Brown Paper Packages

Part One

Xander let out a happy sigh when he saw the familiar brown paper package in the mail. "Ah, the joys of the Internet." He had come to realize that Willow was right, you could get ANYTHING over the Internet. Particularly porn. It was amazing. Log on, pick out the videos, place the order, rent for a week, enjoy, send back. No one was the wiser. No embarrassing trips to that certain video store. No looking around to see who was watching as you went into the back room. No hiding the titles as you walked past the families renting Bambi. Anything you wanted, all completely private.

Which was great. Especially when you didn't really want anyone to know exactly the types of porn you were renting. Xander threw the rest of the mail on the table and dropped on the couch, quickly ripping open his box.

"Let's see, what do we have here, His and Hers 7, Bi-Boys 12 and, oh, my favorite, Everybody Play 18." He felt the happy grin cross his face. He had discovered the joys of bisexual porn when Anya had picked some out. He had felt a little uncomfortable at first, especially when the threesome they had been watching changed to a twosome with only the guys, but he couldn't deny that he found it arousing. Especially when Anya had begun using the dildo on him. That was when he realized that maybe, just maybe, his innocent checking out of others guys in the locker room wasn't so innocent after all. Since then, he had done a lot of thinking and realized that, yes, he was attracted to men as well as women and that, no, it didn't freak him out nearly as much as he expected. Anya had left about a month before, she had gotten some information about having the curse removed. Their parting had been sad, but Xander was slowly getting over it. He missed the sex, though. Missed it A LOT. Then, while prowling around some porn sites one night, he had found a video rental site. He browsed, found some things he liked and now well, now it was his new favorite pastime.

He stacked the videos on top of the TV and went back to his usual routine, unwinding after a hard day at work. He quickly fixed some dinner, sorted through the bills and junk mail, more bills than junk, unfortunately, then had a quick shower, the anticipation running through him the entire time. Finally, he wandered back to the living room, comfortable in his sweats and t-shirt. He made sure all the necessary supplies were on hand. He was an old fashioned kind of guy, relying on those faithful standbys, hand lotion and tissues. He popped one of the videos in at random and settled back, in for another enjoyable Thursday night.

He grinned slightly at the familiar cheesy music and too bright colors. The grinned deepened as he saw the "plot" of this one featured construction workers. He and Anya had had many long and intense discussions over his requirement that there be at least some semblance of plot. However, such trivial distractions as plot and clothing were soon gone and he settled down to enjoy, slowly stroking himself.

The woman was hot, but the men, god, the men were hotter. This was something else he had discovered. The men in straight porn, while hung like horses, were not that attractive. However, bi porn, well, the men were hot. His kind of hot, generally, slender with perfectly toned bodies. He watched as the action intensified, one man dropping down on the woman while she swallowed the other's shaft into her mouth. His stroking grew slightly faster as he watched the bodies rearrange themselves, as the men slowly sank into each entrance of the woman's body. The bodies on the screen began to writhe as the men's thrusts settled into a pattern, one thrusting in as the other pulled out. The groaning from the screen mingled with the panting from the couch as Xander tightened his grip. Suddenly, a fourth figure joined the frame, a hand reaching down to run along one of the men's backs.

"Looks like you could use some help," came the murmur from the screen, the low hum of the words arousing enough without the added benefit of the silky accent. A beautiful, pale skinned form leaned down, the perfect ass coming into view as the man bent into the frame, moving to kneel behind the man pounding into the woman's ass. Long, thin fingers reached down and began to thrust in and out of the other man's opening. Xander's panting grew harder as he watched a head lean down and begin kissing down the man's back. Blond hair, sharp profile, pale lips and cheeks. More words spilled out.

"So hot, so perfect. Yes, luv, just like that."

Xander stopped, eyes growing wide. That voice, those words, so familiar they cut through the wave of his arousal. He watched more intently, hand slowing as the face came into sharper focus. It was the razor edge sharpness of the cheekbones that gave it away.

Spike. It was Spike. Spike on the screen. Spike moving back to thrust into the man. Spike's beautiful body laid out for all to see. Xander's hand automatically pumped harder and harder, moving in time to Spike's thrusts. He watched as Spike moved slowly in and out of the man, watching Spike's muscles contracting with each thrust, watching as Spike took control, trying to pound into the woman through the other man. Finally, his head tilted back and he let out a strangled cry as he pulled out, coming on the man's back. Xander's mouth went dry as he watched. He didn't think he had ever seen a more beautiful sight. He barely noticed the other men come, didn't see the woman at all. All he could concentrate on was Spike lying on his back on the floor, naked. Perfect.

Three other men entered the frame and moved immediately to Spike. One slowly ran his prick along Spike's mouth and Xander let out a moan as he saw Spike's lips open, swallowing him down. Another leaned down, tonguing Spike's nipples while the third pushed his fingers in and out, obviously preparing Spike. Xander's strokes grew harder and harder as he saw the second man kneel next to Spike, taking Spike's dick in his mouth at the same time that the third man pulled Spike's legs onto his shoulders and thrust deeply into the vampire's body. The entire time, Spike continued to suck and lick the first man. Xander managed to spare one thought **I thought they didn't photograph** before coming harder than he had in months.

Xander lay on the couch, panting, trying to recover for the intensity of the orgasm. He finally focused back on the screen just in time to see Spike arch away, coming once again while the man pumped in and out of his ass. Xander felt himself twitch in response and, in a blind panic, he turned the television off. His thoughts slowly came back to him and he stood on shaky legs and headed to the bathroom to clean up, the mess a little too much for mere tissues. He stood under the shower's warm spray, hearing his heartbeat slowly return to normal. Spike. Spike in a porno. Spike on film. Spike's ass. Spike's mouth. Xander shook his head sharply. No, it wouldn't do to start pondering THAT now.

Clean, he returned to the living room and turned the television back on. He quickly rewound the video to that part, hitting pause as the face came into view. It was unmistakably Spike. He rewound to the beginning, seeking the list of credits he had automatically zipped past, curious to see what name Spike would use. The credits began. Candy Fields. Samantha Storm. Rock Johnson. The usual. Then, simply, Spike. Xander rolled his eyes. What else did he expect. Of course Spike wouldn't bother to come up with some other name. And, besides, from what he saw it seemed perfectly appropriate. Xander looked at the clock. 8:15. Still time to make it to the mall. He threw on his jacket and headed out the door, the beginnings of a plan in his mind.

"Xander, what in the world are you doing? Since when did you own a video camera?" Buffy asked as Xander slowly panned across the room.

"Since last night, don't know why, but I suddenly realized that I wanted one. Figured it would be nice to catch you all on tape doing something truly horrid. Then maybe I could have some nice blackmail material." He never took his eyes off the small screen on the side of the camera. He liked it, enjoyed the power he felt with it in his hands. The salesman had talked him into getting one slightly more expensive than he planned, but Xander had managed to avoid buying the most expensive model, thus still feeling virtuous that he hadn't gotten what he REALLY wanted.

He turned the camera on Willow and Tara. Tara immediately ducked her head while Willow just shot him an amused glance.

"Planning on making another Blair Witch parody?"

Xander grinned back. "Hey, at least our ghoulies and beasties would be real. Thought maybe we could film the Buffster slaying, you know, replay, review style and stuff like that." That had nothing to do with his reason for buying the camera, but he knew they would like the idea. And it was a good idea.

"That, that is actually a good idea, Xander." Giles said looking up from his book. A small frown crossed his face. He should have considered that years ago. He let out a sigh, realizing the modern world was catching up with him once again.

"Do have them from time to time." Xander continued to film, waiting for Spike.

"So, what's going on tonight, end of the world and all that?"

Xander swallowed hard when he heard the voice, images of Spike's naked body instantly springing into his mind. He breathed deeply, grateful that he had remembered to wear his baggiest pants. Otherwise, he might have had some explaining to do. He turned and trained the camera straight on Spike. Sure enough, the vampire showed up on the screen.

"Hey, Spike, wave to the camera."

Spike just shot him a look and flipped him off. Xander continued to track Spike as the vampire moved to collapse on the couch.

"Bloody hell, what are you doing? Get that thing away from me." A low growl as Spike patted the pockets of his duster, looking for his cigarettes.

"What's the matter, camera shy?" Xander was stunned at how calm his voice was. His hands were shaking slightly and he was glad that the camera had image stabilization.

A snort. "Not bloody likely, pet."

**Not from what I saw** Xander grinned a little as the words crossed his mind, then he closed the camera with a snap. He couldn't wait to get home and see if he was right, see if Spike did indeed show up on the tape.

A few hours and several dead vamps later, Xander stumbled into his apartment. He went immediately to the VCR, loaded the tape into the adapter and pushed it in to play, not even bothering to shed his coat. He watched as Buffy, Willow, Tara and Giles all waved, heard their words. Not too bad if he said so himself. The movement was smooth and he had framed them nicely. Knowing he was stalling, he finally hit fast forward until he saw the camera begin to spin. He hit play, his heart in his throat. Sure enough, there was Spike. For whatever reason, Spike showed up on the tape. He watched Spike flip him off, watched him sit down, heard their banter. So, Spike did show up on tape. So, that wasn't just some remarkable look and sound alike. Xander hit stop and dropped down in front of the computer. He knew that site had a search engine that would look by actor. He pulled it up, entered Spike's name and waited. His jaw dropped when he saw the results. 34 films starring or featuring Spike. His hands shook as he selected a few, reading the thumbnail sketches, looking for ones in which Spike was the featured star. Sure enough, there were 6 in which Spike seemed to be primary actor. Xander tried to ignore the fact that they were all gay porn and selected three. He placed the order before he could change his mind.

He moved back to the television, popping out his tape and putting in the other, already cued to Spike's entrance. He sat back, eyes glazing as he watched Spike set to work, already counting the minutes until the new videos would arrive.

Xander paced back and forth in front of the windows, glancing out every few seconds. "Damn it, the mail's usually here by now," he growled under his breath. He shot another angry glare out the window, muttering quietly. Luckily, it was Saturday so his obsession could continue unabated. "Never takes this long," he muttered, moving back to the television and checking that the VCRs were properly set up for the fifth time that morning. He had already made a copy of the other tape, then a backup copy, just in case. He knew, in some distant part of his mind, that he had long ago crossed that line that separated fantasy from obsession. Now, he couldn't sleep if he didn't jack off while watching Spike, especially not after long nights of patrol, hearing that smooth voice, seeing that cool hair, lost in those brilliant eyes. He ran his fingers down the growing stack of tapes stacked next to his video camera. He had indeed filmed Buffy slaying, but those tapes were back with Giles. These, these were his tapes, the ones he had managed to take of Spike. Mostly profile shots, as it was hard to surreptitiously film Spike while pointing the camera right at him. But he did have a few shots here and there of Spike grinning, amused at some private joke. It was the grin that got him every time. He could close his eyes and see that grin just before Spike leaned over to kiss him, see the arch to the eyebrow as Spike's head moved down, see . . . Xander shook his head sharply. Wouldn't do to start seeing that now. Not when much, much better sights were shortly to be had. He whipped around as he heard the unmistakable sound of the postal truck pulling away. He ran down the stairs, opened his mailbox and saw it. Yet another nondescript brown paper package. He bit his lower lip and tore back up the stairs.

"Ok, here we go. Basic Training: Sir, Yes, Sir. The Pet. Boys In Blue: Hands Up & Spread Em. That's the stuff." He drank in the titles, running his finger down each spine. He noticed that the usual star shot on the cover was missing. He rolled his eyes at his own stupidity. "Of course there's no picture, doesn't photograph, just films, remember." He picked up a tape at random, not really caring which one as long as he could see Spike again. He pulled the blinds closed, turned off the phone and settled on the couch.

He almost swallowed his tongue when he first saw Spike on screen. There he was in all his glory. Wearing camouflage from head to toe, hat and all. Only the boots looked the same. And if Xander thought the jeans Spike usually wore were tight, well, dear merciful heavens, the jeans were positively baggy compared to this. Xander realized in a daze that this was the first time he had ever seen Spike in anything other than black jeans, black t-shirt, red shirt. And no duster. No duster. He stared, unblinking, trying to fix the image in his mind. If there was anything sexier than this , he didn't know what it was. There was just something about a man in uniform.

His consciousness suddenly slammed back into him, however, when he heard the words rip from the speakers. "Soldier, have to teach you some discipline. Drop and give me twenty." He saw Spike just bow his head and Xander's throat tightened at that. Spike, submitting to someone. He watched as Spike dropped down to his knees, watched the white fingers reach up and pull the other man's shaft out. Watched the mouth descend, heard the faint sound of counting. He swallowed hard, scooting forward on the couch, the maddening slurping sound driving him insane. His eyes grew wider as he saw Spike swallow the man down to his sac, sucking the thickness fully down his throat. Xander groaned, clearly picturing how that must feel. Long, long minutes passed while Spike feasted on the prick, his head held firmly in place by the hands on his shoulders. Finally, with a cry of triumph, the other man came, pulling out from Spike's mouth and shooting over Spike's back. With that, Spike suddenly stood, reached up and threw the man over his shoulder, pinning him face first to the ground.

"Think it's time to break ranks." With that, Spike began running hard hands over the man's back, slowly, so slowly ripping apart the clothes. He merely pulled the man's pants down, so that all that showed was a swatch of back between the tatters of the shirt and a perfect ass. Spike yanked the man upwards, until he was on all fours and then leaned down, tracing his tongue down the ridges of spine. He reached the man's ass, where he began to suck fiercely, quickly raising red welts. The man whimpered and Spike pulled away, yanking the man's head back by his hair.

"Who needs discipline now, soldier boy." With that, Spike stripped off his own pants, moving back to run just the tip of his cock along the crack in the man's ass. The man whimpered louder, trying desperately to throw himself backwards and take Spike into him. Spike kept just far enough away so that the man could feel the tracing but could do nothing more about it. Spike kept up the firm grip in the man's hair until, suddenly, he plunged straight into the body beneath him. The man's sudden cry was drowned out by Xander's who came immediately, not even needing to touch himself. His rhythmic hip thrusts combined with rubbing against the fabric of his jeans had made that unnecessary. He breathed deeply then moved into the kitchen, desperately in need of a beer. Who cared that it was only 11:30 in the morning.

Xander sat propped up against the couch, having realized that he was much more comfortable leaning against the couch, naked, then sitting there half clothed. He had watched Basic Training five times so far, still shaking his head in wonderment at the scene on top of the Humvee. He didn't know you could bend like that. Or that two people could fit themselves into one mouth if they really, really wanted to.

But now, now he was ready for something new. He ejected the tapes and placed The Pet in the playback VCR and a new blank tape in the one which would record. He leaned comfortably back and watched as the scene unfurled.

A long, dark room. Some type of deep red hangings covered the walls, the light coming from the torches held in the sconces on the wall. A cage was in the center of the room, the bars running nearly the width and length of the room. Inside the cage was a low couch, wide and covered with plush pillows in the same red as the hangings on the wall. A low chanting could be heard in the background and a dark figure could be seen sitting with its back against the entrance to the cage. A swirl of black and Spike entered the room, dressed now in a plain white shirt, a black cape with blood red lining and black pants. Spike reached up, untying the cape and letting it fall to the floor. He dipped into a pocket, pulling out a small gold key. Moving forward, he inserted the key into the lock, turning it with a small click. The figure inside the door stiffened, then slowly stood, his back still to the entrance. He was completely naked. Spike walked in, reached out and grasped the figure by the chin, forcing the figure to turn into the light.

"Now, pet, why are you hiding. You know that you are mine to play with." With that, Spike pulled the body forward, directly into the flickering light cast by the torch just overhead. Xander gasped. The man had golden skin, dark, thick hair and, when he opened his eyes, dark, dark brown eyes. He resembled Xander, not entirely but enough. Enough to cause Xander's pupils to dilate and his breathing to quicken. Spike leaned up, placing a hard, cruel kiss on the boy's lips, then pushed him over to the couch. The boy backed away and it was then that Xander could see the shackle on his right leg, could see that the chain was fixed to the far side of the cell, enough to allow freedom of movement but not enough to allow escape.

"Pet, you are mine, you live for my pleasure." The words, spoken so lowly, still rang out. The boy just nodded mutely. Spike pushed him down on the couch then stepped back, tilting his head to survey the scene before him. With a curt nod, he moved to the chest in the corner of the cage, opening it to reveal thick, braided lengths of silk rope. He moved back to the couch and began to expertly tie the man to the bars of the cage, spreading the boy's arms out wide, latching the boy's free leg to a ring in the floor. When the vampire was finally satisfied that the boy could not break free, he pulled his clothes off.

"Now, pet, you shall do all that I ask. Open your mouth." The boy complied immediately. Spike moved up to straddle his body, then reached a hand down, running it along the boy's tongue, then using his now wet finger to trace the boy's lips. A shudder ran through the boy's body as Spike dipped two fingers into his mouth, running both fingers straight down the boy's throat. The boy shut his mouth briefly, swallowing hard, then willingly opened his mouth as Spike's hand moved back to his lips. This time, however, Spike suddenly dipped his head down, sucking the boy's tongue out and curling it around his own. Spike's hands had dropped to the boy's nipples, which he was pinching and teasing until they were hard points. Spike moved down, lapping once at each nipple then suddenly moved back up. Now it was his prick which he ran along the boy's swollen lower lip, forcing it into the boy's mouth an inch at a time.

"Use your tongue, pet. That's right, do what I say." The words of command were no sooner spoken then the boy eagerly began to comply, lifting his head as far off the couch as he could reach, eager to swallow Spike whole. Xander licked his lips as he heard moaning coming from the screen, seeing Spike's head toss back, baring his throat. Xander imagined, just for a moment, what it would be like to bite Spike there, right on the base of his throat.

Spike began to thrust lazily in and out of the man's mouth, reaching one hand up to run through the boy's hair. The boy's eyes were closed, a look of rapture on his face. Spike pulled back, trailing the wet edge of himself down the boy's body.

"Now, pet, do you think you can be good?"

"Yes, master, so good, anything you say." The words were moaned out as the boy began to writhe beneath Spike.

"That's a good pet. Good pets get rewards." With that, Spike moved down between the boy's legs, lowered his head and gave three tremendous licks to the boy's weeping head. The boy shuddered hard against the ropes as Spike took him fully into his mouth.

"Yes, that's my pet. Nice and wet now." With that Spike moved back up the boy's body. He positioned himself over the hard shaft and then gently eased down, taking the boy completely into his ass. Xander felt himself harden to almost impossible stiffness as he pictured doing just that, burying himself completely in Spike. He began to move in time to the thrusting on the screen, Spike riding the boy hard, the boy pulling against the ropes, chafing his wrists. Xander saw Spike's eyes close, saw him reach down and release one of the boy's hands, simply ripping the rope away.

"There pet, right there, just like that." Spike wrapped the boy's hand around his own cock and the boy began to pump. Spike's head rolled back again and Xander swore he heard Spike gasp. He pulled off the boy just as the boy spurted high in the air, just as Spike himself came in long gushes up the boy's stomach, just as Xander tightened his grip and felt the shudders wash over him. He slumped back against the couch, all his bones suddenly turning to water.

Spike tilted his head, breathing in deeply, a knowing grin crossing his face. He could smell the whelp down the hall. It was fairly obvious what had kept Xander home, alone, on a fine Saturday night. Spike moved down the hallway, faintly hearing movement in Xander's apartment. It sounded like someone was, well, mopping the floor. That was odd. Or maybe not. Spike's grinned widened. He was bored. Bored out of his mind. There had been nothing worth killing tonight, just some fledglings. No wonder the whelp had called earlier and bailed on patrol, must have known that his pastime would be more fun. Spike had pestered the rest of the gang for a while, until even their banter had worn thin. He had decided to see just what Xander was doing, shutting himself away alone on a weekend like this. Besides, he could always get a rise out of the boy and that should be good for some laughs.

Spike pounded on the door. "Whelp, I know you're there. Open the door." He heard the muffled curse and then suddenly the door was yanked open. He grinned again when he saw the look of shock on Xander's face. He took in the flushed cheeks, the disheveled hair. Even without the strong scent, it would have been obvious what Xander had been doing.

"So, pet, would ask what you were," a significant pause as Spike looked Xander over from head to toe, "up to, so to speak. But that seems fairly clear. Must be shitty to go back to Mr. Hand after that demon bint."

Xander just stared back. Spike was standing in his doorway. Spike. Actual Spike. Real Spike. Starting to get pissed off Spike.

"Pet, are you going to move or what? Don't fancy standing in your hallway all evening."

Xander felt the blood rush to his face, well, mostly his face when he heard the words. **Spike called me pet** He just stared a moment more, then an evil grin crossed his face.

"Oh sure, Spike, come on in. Been wanting to talk to you lately myself."

Xander watched as Spike strode in, as always with the air that he owned whatever room he occupied. Xander padded to the kitchen, grabbing beer for them both, pausing for a moment to swipe the box for Boys In Blue from off the top of the television. He came back, handed Spike a beer, waited until Spike took a good hard pull and then held up the box.

"Hey Spike, I never knew you had such hidden talents."

He was rewarded by the sudden spray of beer that shot out of Spike's mouth.

Xander calmly wiped the beer off his face as he grinned at the sputtering vampire. Of all the fantasies he had entertained about Spike, the number of which had grown exponentially over the last week, this was his longest standing and most cherished. To embarrass Spike. To make him stutter and sputter. For just one moment to shake that absolute assurance he wrapped himself in. For heaven's sake, it looked like Spike was blushing, well at least there was some faint hint of color to his cheeks. Of course, that may just have been from the coughing fit.

Spike finally settled down, casting a dark glance in Xander's direction. "Not bloody fair, shouldn't choke when you don't have to breathe." His frown grew as Xander started to laugh. He watched, growing angrier and angrier as Xander laughed harder and harder, finally needing to hold onto the kitchen counter to stand.

"Christ, Spike, the look on your face. . ." Xander finally managed to wheeze out. "Oh, wish you photographed, hell, should have filmed it, even better." Xander wiped at the tears in his eyes, panting a little.

Spike just shot him another angry glare, then, with a quick shake of his head, the familiar cockiness slammed back into him.

"Well, I might have hidden talents, but, you, luv, you some hidden secrets as well." Spike reached down to pick up the box from where Xander had placed it on the counter. "Yes, I remember this well. Had William in it, always thought it was funny, that, me fucking William." Spike moved forward, slowly crowding Xander into the living room. "So, watching the fellas go at it are we, thought there was always something a little off about you. Like the lads, do we? Nothing wrong with that, just afraid the Slayer won't approve? She had enough problems with the witches, don't want to get on her bad side, that it?"

Xander suddenly felt himself tumble over the edge of the couch, unaware that Spike had backed him straight against it. He fell completely over, hitting his head on the floor with a thud.

"Ow, not nice, Spike. No, I'm not gay, not completely straight either, maybe just a little, well, bent." Xander moved to sit on the couch, Spike coming immediately over and sitting on the other end.

"Mind my asking, pet," Spike's eyebrow arched as he felt the sudden rush of heat radiate from the boy at that word, "but just how did you discover my deep dark secret?" The last words were flavored with so much sarcasm that Xander thought he could cut it with a knife.

Xander swallowed hard. This was not going as he planned. He thought Spike would be embarrassed, thought he would finally have some blackmail to hold over the vampire. Spike, on the other hand, seemed as if it were the most natural thing in the world for him to have made adult movies.

"Well, Anya convinced me to rent some movies and she liked to watch men have sex, said it really got her going, which I still don't understand, thought she hated men, I mean I thought that she would really like to watch two women. Well, anyway, she picked some stuff out and I found that I liked it too and when she left I was, well, lonely, is the best way to put it so I rented some movies last week and was watching and all of a sudden there you were and I was stunned and then I checked and found out you were in a whole bunch and I got some more because I just couldn't believe it, I thought you wouldn't show up on film and well, that's about it." **Sounding like Willow there, smooth Harris, real smooth**

Spike just quirked another eyebrow at this, enjoying the flustered words and the way the blood rushed to the boy's face. The boy had quite a lovely face **and quite a lovely ass and aren't you glad now that you looked before** and the faint flush to his skin was causing Spike to picture just what the flush looked like on the rest of him under those awful, awful clothes.

"I see. So, you saw me in a pornographic movie you rented and then went out and rented more with me in them. Ah, luv, didn't know you cared. So, where exactly in Sunnyhell do I go to get these, haven't seen them in years, should be good for a laugh."

"Well, actually," Xander stuttered out, "I kinda rented them online."

Spike stared at him for a moment, then grinned again. "Bloody hell, you really can get anything online."

Spike moved to the television, seeing the boxes stacked there. "Let's see how your taste is, then shall we, pet." He emphasized the last word, seeing the title on the tape sitting on top of the VCR. "The Pet, that was quite fun, had that whole bondage, domination thing, Basic Training - never did like those, hate wearing green, even if it is only for a few minutes. Besides, it looks like you saw those already. Just have to go with this one then." With that, he inserted Boys In Blue then plopped back down on the couch next to Xander, sitting slightly closer this time. He ignored the startled look Xander shot him and smirked as the video started.

"Yes, now that would be William, lovely boy, tasted so sweet." It was the same man who had been in the cage before Xander realized with a start. He felt the blood rush to his face when the man turned back around. He looked A LOT like Xander and Xander cringed, waiting for what he knew would come next.

"Never thought about that before, but he does look an awful lot like you. Wonder just how strong a resemblance there is." Oh, this had been a bloody fabulous idea to come to the whelp's. Spike couldn't remember the last time he had this much fun. The heat coming from Xander poured over Spike and he shifted ever, ever so slightly closer on the couch. He noticed that Xander was staring firmly at the screen, attempting to ignore him. Spike knew, however, that he was really hanging on Spike's every word.

Spike leaned back, the first faint stirring of arousal coming over him as he watched himself kiss William on the telly. It was an odd feeling, watching himself kiss, but a pleasant one. **Always were a narcissist, mate.**

"Now, you see how he's kissing me, that's nothing, you see for the video you have to make sure they can see everything. When he would kiss me when we were alone, he did this bloody marvelous thing with his tongue where he would run it along my palate just inside my top row of teeth. He could do amazing things with his tongue, dear William could, things just like, well, that, not to put too fine a point on it." Spike tilted his head sideways, watching as William began lapping at his nipples. He stirred slightly, the memory of the feel coming over him.

"Bet your little demon did that, seemed like she was a kinky fuck. I would be too if I lived that long, need something extra to get you going. But there's nothing like a man's mouth on you, luv, men's tongues are just so much bigger, stronger, wetter, can take the whole nipple into your mouth and just suck and suck." Spike pitched his voice low, almost purring. He could smell the pheromones pouring off Xander. It was obvious that the boy really, really enjoyed this.

Spike grinned when he saw William move down his body. He grew harder, knowing just what that mouth could do.

"Not the only thing men are better at. Please, pet, would you rather have some bint dropping down just to get you to do the same, some chit who doesn't know what you really like? Wouldn't you rather have a man, someone who knows just when to suck, when to lick," Spike licked his lips which had suddenly gone dry, momentarily losing his train of thought as William took his entire shaft down his throat. Spike coughed, trying to regain his thoughts. "Not everyone can do that though, deep throating takes practice." A lazy smile crossed his face. "And my, did we practice." He watched Xander shift on the couch, saw the huge bulge in his pants. Spike couldn't tell if it was his words, or the sights on the screen or the combination of both that was getting Xander so aroused, but, whatever it was, it was truly working for the boy. His eyes, so dark in the first place, were nearly black and a faint sheen of sweat covered his skin. Spike felt his eyes begin to glaze. The boy was lovely, so lovely, so delicious. He shook his head sharply again and carefully inched closer.

They watched in silence for a moment as William began to stroke Spike's balls, never stopping his firm sucking on the vampire's shaft. "Helps to use your hands when you do that, might want to remember that, pet." Spike whispered softly. He knew, how he could not tell, that the boy was still a virgin. At least when it came to men. A virgin. How sweet. What a lovely fruit to taste. Spike's eyes narrowed. Yes, and it would be his and he would be damned if it would be anyone else's.

"Especially when your hand does that." They watched as William pulled away briefly, sucked his finger, then curled his hand around the curve of Spike's hip, slowly pushing the finger up Spike's ass. Spike inhaled sharply in time with his version on screen. **Too bloody long since someone did THAT** He noticed that Xander's eyes were wide and that he was panting. Xander hadn't reached out to touch himself though and Spike spared a moment to wonder why. Embarrassed, humiliated, too hard. Glancing down, he nodded. Too hard to touch, didn't want to come yet. Or didn't want to come in front of him. Well, Spike was determined to change that. He inched yet closer to Xander, able to feel the heat, mere inches separating them.

They watched as William suddenly pulled away and then lay back, shamelessly spreading himself wide. Xander's breath began to catch as he saw Spike lean over, saw Spike pull William's legs over his shoulders, saw Spike begin to enter the man who looked just like him.

"Never felt that, have you, luv, never known what it was like to be filled. You'll love it, I swear." Spike reached out a careful hand and ran it down the side of Xander's neck, the merest trace of a touch. He felt Xander buck next to him, watched Xander throw his head back, exposing his throat. Spike listened raptly to the sounds of Xander's orgasm, drinking them in, knowing he would be playing this scene over and over in his mind in just a few minutes time. **So beautiful, so beautiful**

Xander panted, embarrassment washing over him for just a moment. He just came in front of Spike. Listening to Spike's voice. Watching Spike on television. Feeling the coolness of the touch. He kept his head resting on the back of the couch, unwilling to open his eyes just yet, not wanting to see the scorn on Spike's face. He started when he felt the cool whisper of lips on his.

"Night, luv. This was fun. Have to do it again some time, say tomorrow? I'll be here at 11:00." Xander felt the cool touch of a cheek next to his ear and cracked open an eye just in time to see the swirl of black leather curve out the door.

Spike leaned against the wall outside the apartment, shaky hands lighting a cigarette. **Right, get to the car, find some dark spot, toss off. Right, simple plan. Requires walking though** He leaned against the wall and exhaled slowly. Calming slightly, he moved stiff legged down the hall, feeling the heat begin to build as he started counting the seconds until tomorrow night.

Xander ran his hands through his hair yet again as he watched the seconds tick by on the clock. 10:58. He had briefly considered not being there when Spike was due to arrive, but the rational part of his brain had provided him with a long, long list of reasons why that would be a very, very bad idea, not the least of which was the absolute knowledge that Spike would not hesitate for an instant in telling all his friends exactly what had happened in great and explicit detail. So, the best possible solution was this. Meet Spike and see what evil plan the vampire had in mind.

He looked quickly around the apartment, making sure that everything had been put away. The movies had been dropped in the mail that morning, he had locked all the copies of the footage he had taken of Spike in a footlocker which he had then lugged up to his storage area then he had cleaned. The apartment actually hadn't looked this nice since Anya left.

He glanced in the mirror, straightening out his hair. He looked nice, but not any nicer than usual. He had made sure of that. He didn't want Spike thinking this was a date or anything. He didn't want himself thinking that either. 10:59. His heart began to pound as he strained to listen for footsteps in the hall. 11:00. He jumped back when the loud knocks rattled the door. With shaky hands, he reached for the doorknob.

"'Lo there mate, so how are you this lovely evening. Looking well, glad to see you and all that."

Spike breezed into the apartment, smoke trailing behind him, perfectly at ease. He had looked forward to this all day, a plan having formed in his mind. He knew that Xander expected him to attempt some type of blackmail or some type of blatant seduction. That was too crude for his tastes. Despite his well deserved reputation for having a serious impulse control problem, he could be patient when it served his desires. And it had been quite some time since Spike had taken the time to truly draw someone under his thrall. And Xander, well, Xander would be worth the time and effort. Spike had always been attracted to the boy. Hells, he had a fixation on tall, dark, beautiful men. And Xander certainly fit that description. The fact that he was one of the Slayer's pets just added to the thrill. So, once he had finally managed to make it back to the crypt, he had settled down on his bed and thought. From Xander's reaction last night, Spike knew that it wouldn't be that hard to simply take the boy to bed. But that would be too simple. Besides, he didn't want just a one shot shag, no, not when he could have himself a toy. Seeing William again on the screen had stirred long ignored desires. He had forgotten just how sweet it felt to sink into the flesh of another male, had forgotten what it felt like to feel someone plunge into him. Now that the fire had been banked, he was ready to let it burn.

"Spike, um, hi, do you, um, do you want something to, to drink, or something?" Xander stuttered out as he paced back into the living room, unconsciously backing away from Spike.

Spike just quirked an eyebrow at Xander, sensing the fear mixed with excitement coming from the boy. "Beer would be good, pet." Spike moved over to lean against the back of the couch while Xander pulled the bottle from the refrigerator. Xander handed it over, careful not to touch Spike when he did so.

"So, luv, realized that you never got to ask me all the questions that you must have had the other night, so ask away, I'm an open book." A grin at that as Spike took a swallow from the bottle.

Xander just stared at him, opened mouthed, Spike was going to answer questions? Had the world ended without anyone bothering to tell him? Xander took his own pull from his beer, trying to calm his nerves.

"Well, I guess, just wanted to know, well, where, why, when, all those questions, I guess." That wasn't truly what he wanted to ask, but it was a start. Xander just leaned on the counter while Spike continued to lean on the couch, fully aware that he was making sure to keep space between himself and the vampire. He had tossed and turned all night, his flesh burning from Spike's light touch on his neck and the faint trace of Spike's lips on his. It wasn't even really a kiss, more like the merest brush of skin on skin, but it was all Xander could do to keep from staring at Spike's mouth as the vampire began to speak.

"Dunno exactly when it was, probably about fifteen, twenty years or so ago. Dru and I were in Amsterdam, great city that, can get anything you want, anything at all. And most of it is legal. Not that that ever bothered me, but it was nice every once in a while to pretend that we were good, upstanding, law abiding citizens." A smirk at that, another quick drink and Spike continued.

"Bit short on dosh, were having some disputes with Peaches over access to some old accounts, and had taken to doing the old bump and pinch. Well, we had gotten a hold of some rich tosser's wallet and had a nice stash, so we went out to one of Dru's favorite bars, nice little leather club. She found it amusing to watch the amateurs go at it. Well, one thing led to another and we were all set to have a nice shag against the back wall, when I felt a tap on my shoulder. Whirled around, managed to not rip the fucker's throat out by dint of having both hands up Dru's skirt. It was the owner who said he had a bit of a proposition for us. Seems he had been watching and was suitably impressed by our performance. Made us an offer, be in a few films, give us a nice bit of quid, have a bit of fun. Well, sounded good, weren't sure if we would film, but sounded like a plan. Course, wasn't about to let Dru do it. Not so much that I would mind, she was mine there was no doubt about that and her playing with some humans would have been quite amusing for us both. But Dru had a nasty habit of draining her toys, couldn't help it, she always bit when she climaxed." Spike paused for a moment as a wistful smile crossed his face, remembering all the times she had bit him. He took another quick drink before he started thinking too hard about his dark princess. Never went well, that.

"So, I agreed to do it, sounded like fun. Didn't matter to me if was lads or lasses, all just a bit of fun. Found out we showed up on tape," he raised his hand to forestall the question on Xander's lips. "No, have no idea why. Started, found I had, shall we say an affinity for it, helps not to have any shame. Met William that way, he was a bit of all right. Worked well together, the contrast between us looked fabulous, him so dark and me so light. Made quite a bit of money, we did." Spike pulled out a cigarette and twirled it in his fingers for a moment, remembering the sound of William's voice, the smoothness of his lips under Spike's, the heat of his body. He quickly lit the cigarette and took a long drag, trying to push away the memories.

"So, if you enjoyed it so much, why did you stop?" Xander just stared at Spike, amazed at how much of his past Spike had just revealed. Thinking back, he realized that he had just learned more about Spike in the last few minutes than he had in the last few years combined.

Spike just blew a stream of smoke at the ceiling, a sad smile on his face. "William died. Left Amsterdam after that." He cursed himself when he heard the note of sadness that had unwittingly crept into his voice.

"Oh, I'm, well, sorry," Xander managed to get out, shocked by the unmistakable grief apparent on Spike's face. "How, did Dru, was she," Xander started, unsure of how to continue without angering Spike.

"No, nothing like that. Hit by a lorry crossing the street." Another lopsided smile crossed Spike's face. "Funny that, he was living with two vampires and a bloody lorry runs him down."

"Sorry, really, that must have been hard." Xander truly meant it. It was apparent that William had meant something to Spike.

Spike just nodded, taking another long pull on the bottle. He thought briefly of all he was leaving out. How William had been crossing the street to see him; how he had waved and came running, not bothering to look; how Spike had watched in horror as William's body flew through the air; how Dru had ripped him off William's body, preventing him for turning his lover, the vicious, jealous words streaming in his ear; how he had listened to William's heart stop; how the blood had poured that night as Spike killed anything and everything in his path; how Dru had danced and danced on the pier; claiming the stars had told her that the man was trying to take her Spikey away and how the stars had granted her wish; how they fled for somewhere, anywhere else the next night.

"Long time ago, don't really think about it often. Didn't even know you could still get the films." An evil grin crossed his face. "Can we buy them from wherever you got them, make a nice present for my trotting Sire, remind him of what he can't have anymore."

Xander grinned back, that was actually a pretty good idea. He shook his head fiercely, knowing that there was no way they could do that without Angel realizing where they had come from and then Buffy would be peeved and that would be of the bad.

"Probably, but I'm not going to do it, Buffy would be pissed and then I'll have to keep her from staking you and killing me and just not in the mood for that."

Spike pouted briefly, then took a step forward. "So, pet, told you my dark past, now, have some questions for you. You just using that demon bint for cover or did you just now discover you have," a long pause, "different tastes?" Spike was truly interested, he had never noticed Xander looking at men, only women and was curious as to just what the boy had done. Just how much of a virgin he was.

"No, not cover, I've never," Xander quickly cleared his throat as Spike took another step towards him. "I never really thought about men that way, at least, not until Anya," he began to blush as Spike took another small step forward.

"Until she what, luv, rented some films? Made some suggestions? Played with a few toys?" With each question, Spike moved forward until he was standing directly in front of Xander, just slightly closer than comfortable. "What, did she have you watch the boys while she slowly, slowly eased a finger in your ass? Did she use one of her precious toys on you? Just what made you realize that you aren't quite the perfect heterosexual you always thought?"

Xander had been staring straight into Spike's eyes the entire time, feeling like a rodent caught by a snake. He tried to lean back further, but Spike simply followed his movements. A shudder ran through him as he thought of Anya, how she had slowly drawn him out, opening him gently, carefully. How it had felt the first time she pressed the dildo into him, telling him to watch the men, watch them, see how much they liked it. How he had thought back to Larry and the frantic kisses they had shared. How he climaxed furiously ever time she did it.

Spike just watched, smelling the arousal pouring off Xander. He clenched and unclenched his hands, growing harder and harder himself. He forced himself to concentrate on his plan in order to stop from just taking Xander then and there. No, not yet, not quite yet. Make Xander come to him, make Xander want it so much it hurt. Draw it out, torture them both. It would be so much sweeter that way.

"So, only ever pretended with your little demon girl?" Spike paused as Xander suddenly looked away. "Ah, not quite it, so what have you done, where, why, when, all those questions," Spike echoed Xander's words, swaying in a little closer still.

"Just, there was this guy, Larry, in high school, right before graduation and, well, he and I, we just made out, just kissed that was all, well kissed and groped a little, but that's all, I never even touched him." Xander whispered, unable to look up. He didn't trust himself so close to those perfect, pale lips, the lips that had plagued his every thought, waking and sleeping.

"Just kissed. But you liked it. Don't lie, I can tell. You liked it. Haven't you ever wondered if you were missing something, if you liked just kissing that much, how good would the rest of it be? Aren't you tired of just watching, don't you want to find out, know first hand just what it's like?" Spike moved so that he was mere inches from Xander, his face pressed into the boy's cheek as he whispered in his ear. "Please, pet, don't lie to me. You never have to lie to me. I understand." He pulled back so that he was staring into Xander's eyes, feeling the warm breath on his face. "Don't you want to know?" With that, Spike leaned forward and kissed him.

Xander automatically closed his eyes when he felt Spike's lips on his, automatically opened his mouth when he felt that cool tongue trace the outline of his upper lip. He groaned deep in the back of his throat as he felt Spike's hands rest on his waist and Xander automatically wrapped his own arms around Spike's shoulders, letting his hands run freely along the firm back. Spike tasted of beer and cigarettes and copper. It was the most addicting thing he had ever tasted. Finally, too soon, much too soon, he was forced to pull back, forced to breathe. He kept his eyes closed as he rested his cheek against Spike's.

Spike tightened his grasp on Xander's waist for just a moment, burning the feel of Xander's erection into his memory for later. Reluctantly he pulled away, knowing that if he didn't stop now, he wouldn't stop.

"See, luv, knew you would like it." Spike's voice was rich with desire. He took another step back, forcibly yanking his eyes away from the vision of Xander's swollen lips.

"Have to go, Xander."

Xander's eyes opened at that. It was the first time he could ever remember hearing Spike use his name. He just nodded, looking away, ashamed at how hard he was, at how desperately he had responded to the kiss.

Spike reached out and took Xander's chin in his hand, forcing Xander to look in his eyes. "I have to meet someone at Willy's or I would stay. Trust me, I want to stay." That part wasn't a lie. He could still taste Xander and was already sorry that he was going to be forced to eat, forced to wash that taste out with the bitter taste of pig's blood. His eyes darkened as he saw the Xander's expression change, saw the shame replaced by desire. He leaned in and chanced one last, quick kiss. It was just as sweet as before and over much, much too soon. He forced himself back, ducking his hands in the pockets of the duster to hide their shaking. Xander trailed him to the door, too stunned to speak.

"See you tomorrow, then? Same time?" Spike heard the hope in his voice and damned himself a thousand times a fool.

"Yeah, I would like that. See you tomorrow." Spike just nodded and slipped out the door, not daring to look back. He practically ran down the hall, knowing that if he hesitated, even for a moment, he would just turn around, kick in the door and finish what they started. He tore out of the parking lot, desperately thinking of the best place to find something to kill. This time just tossing off wasn't going to ease his frustration.

Xander leaned against the door for a long, long time, the coolness of the wood reminding him of Spike's touch. He liked the kiss. No, he loved the kiss. He moved back to the kitchen and opened a drawer as he searched for the key to the storage room. He hoped he remembered which tape it was that had the shot he had managed to get of Spike smiling at him. He knew he would need it. He looked at the clock again, watching the second pass, counting them off in his head. Only another 23 hours, 32 minutes, 36, 35, 34 seconds. He hoped he could make it until then.

Xander sneaked another quick peek at his watch. A low groan escaped him. 10:35 p.m. There was no way he was going to make it back to his apartment in time to meet Spike now. And there was no way that he could simply get up and leave without everyone taking notice and asking questions. So, instead of being back in his home doing whatever it was that he was doing with Spike, he was stuck here, listening to Giles go on and on about some prophecy or other. He had quit paying attention about an hour before, choosing instead to lose himself in memories of the night before. Spike kissed him. He kissed Spike back. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He wanted to do it again as soon and as much as possible.

Xander shifted slightly in his seat, attempting to at least give the appearance of paying attention. He had spent the day in a slight daze, not really paying attention to what was going on around him, more caught up by the questions swirling in his mind. Why was Spike doing this? Why was he letting Spike do this? Why wasn't he more freaked out by the fact that he was in lust with a vampire? A male vampire? A male vampire who happened to have tried to kill him several times in the past? That was what interested him the most, why he wasn't freaked out. He had finally given up, tired of trying to make sense of it all. Stranger things had happened to him, well, not much stranger, but stranger nonetheless. At least this weirdness involved pleasure and not pain.

Although that might be changing soon. Spike would shortly be showing up to an empty apartment, and Xander knew that he would not be pleased. Xander realized with a start that he was assuming that Spike was going to show up. It was much more likely that Spike had simply been toying with him and that the vampire wouldn't even show, instead choosing to leave Xander there, waiting and watching, tossing it back into his face the next time he saw Spike. Xander could practically hear the mocking voice, "What, pet, didn't think I was serious now did you, just a bit of fun, that, nothing to get worked up about." Xander's face darkened as the thought fixed itself more firmly in his mind. So, that was the game. It was bad enough that he was a joke to his friends, didn't have to be a joke to fangless vampires as well. He reached out and grabbed a piece of paper off the table, beginning to tear it into little pieces. Here he was, all worked up over some game that Spike was playing. Well, fuck that, he wasn't just going to stand by and let himself be played yet again. He looked down, an embarrassed flush spreading up the back of his neck. And to think that he had taken the time to find something nice to wear, wanting Spike to find him attractive. Just his fucking luck, get his hopes up only to have them battered right back down.

"Evening, luv, you're looking well." The low voice in his ear jerked him out of his stupor.

"Spike, what are you doing here," he managed to get out just before Buffy came over and yanked the vampire away.

"Yeah, Spike, what are you doing here, don't remember asking you to come," Buffy hissed out, a stake hovering over Spike's chest.

"Bloody hell, can't a bloke drop in to visit his mates without everyone acting all suspicious," Spike said, taking a step back and raising his hands. "What?" Incredulous looks had greeted his statement.

"Spike, we aren't your," Giles stopped, sighing. No, he was not going to even begin to get drawn into this discussion with the vampire. There was no way it would lead anywhere but to violence. And he didn't want to have to rearrange the room yet again. "What is it that you want?"

A smile flitted across Spike's face as he shot a quick glance over to Xander, his eyes darting so quickly that no one noticed. "No blood at the crypt, wondered if any of you lot had some left." He looked over at Xander and raised an eyebrow. "How about you, whelp, have any blood left in that fridge of yours?" He locked eyes with Xander, hoping the message was coming through.

"What, well, I don't think," Xander started, staring back at Spike. He saw the look of frustration on the vampire's face and grinned suddenly. "You know what, as a matter of fact, pretty sure that I do." He pushed away from the table, stretching out the kinks in his back. "C'mon, I'll take you back, be glad to have it gone."

"Xander, you sure about that?" Buffy asked, watching Spike with narrowed eyes.

"Sure, Buff, you don't need me for this. And as much as I would like to stay and hear all about some five hundred year old prophecy that may or may not mean that the Hellmouth is or is not going to open, well, actually rather take my chances with Spike, now that I think about it." Xander grabbed his keys and walked towards the doors. "Ladies, G-man, call you tomorrow, Spike, you coming with?"

Spike followed him out the door, pride swelling in him. Very good, his pet was catching on quickly. He quickened his step, moving to walk right next to Xander.

"How did you know I was stuck here," Xander asked, not looking over, trying to get his heartbeat under control. It infuriated him that Spike could sense precisely what affect Spike's presence had on him, while he was clueless as to what was going on behind those eyes.

"On my way over, saw your car, figured the Watcher was nattering on and on and you could use some rescuing." Spike shrugged, lighting a cigarette. Wouldn't do to let the boy know that he had been following him ever since he left the apartment. He had been standing in the shadows in the back of the store ever since Xander had arrived. He had spent the past few hours just watching and listening, puzzling out what it was about Xander that drew him. It hadn't helped when some snarky little voice in his head kept saying "everything, you like everything, you like him, not just his ass". No, hadn't helped at all. He thought he was going to lose all control as he watched Xander habitually gnaw at his lower lip while going through the books, a look of intense concentration on his face. Spike wanted nothing more at that moment than to be the one chewing on that full lip while slowly, so slowly unbuttoning the shirt, pulling it free from the jeans that Xander wore, allowing him to feel the heat of Xander's skin burning into his hands. Spike shook his head, clearing away the image. Not helping with his vow to move slowly, not at all. He took a huge drag on the cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly, allowing the motion to calm him.

"Two cars or one," Xander asked as they stopped at his car, trying to keep his voice level. So, Spike wasn't going to leave him hanging, wasn't going to taunt him like that. He felt a quick sliver of guilt at his earlier assumptions. Gods, when was he going to realize he wasn't some stupid teenager anymore and that it was entirely possible that someone could actually be attracted to him. Of course, the guilt was tempered by knowledge that, well, it was possible that Spike would just leave him hanging, so his assumption hadn't been entirely off base.

"Two, don't want to have to come back, might run into those friends of yours," Spike answered, looking away quickly to keep from simply grabbing Xander right there on the street. Not the most appropriate of places to start that.

Xander nodded then got in and pulled away, looking in the mirror to make sure that Spike was following. Sure enough, there he was. They quickly made their way back to Xander's apartment, Spike pulling in right next to Xander. They wordlessly made their way up the stairs, not touching, but walking just a little too closely together. Xander unlocked the apartment and Spike walked in behind him, pulling the door closed as he did so.

The second Xander heard the door latch he whirled around and pinned Spike to the door, hungrily seeking out Spike's mouth. Spike went still for a moment, shocked, then returned the kiss with equal fervor. Xander's hands moved under the duster and began to run along Spike's sides, low moans escaping from his lips, humming along their mouths. Spike answered in kind, losing himself to the kiss, to the fire of Xander's mouth and hands, feeling the heat rising between them. Their tongues dueled, neither claiming victory over the other, rather, they stood toe to toe, each trying to pull the other into him. Spike's hands dropped to Xander's waist and he gave himself over to his fantasy, tugging the shirt from Xander's jeans and finally, finally running his hands over the broad back.

Xander leaned back, arching into the touch. He hadn't been able to stop himself, hadn't wanted to, didn't plan on trying. He wanted nothing more than this all day and, during the drive back to the apartment, he had decided that for once in his life he was just going to take what he wanted, consequences be damned. He ripped his mouth from Spike's, ignoring Spike's low growl as he began kissing down Spike's neck, gently nipping around to the front of Spike's throat. He traced his tongue along Spike's adam's apple, drinking in the moan that escaped Spike's lips, feeling Spike's erection pressed into his thigh.

Spike managed to pull away with presence of mind he didn't know he possessed. "So, pet, guess you haven't been sitting around all day doing your best impression of Peaches, moping about and all that." Spike had expected almost any reaction but this, hadn't dared to think that Xander could want this so much.

"Nope, decided I don't really care what horrible plan you have in mind or just what it is that you're up to, Spike. Don't really feel like thinking right now. Don't feel like talking either," Xander's eyes were gleaming in the darkness of the apartment. He hadn't bothered to leave a light on and he could just barely make out the planes of Spike's face. He reached a finger up and traced it across Spike's lips. "Whatever it is, I like it. Figured you did too. I like, you like, don't want to think anymore than that." He leaned down and began sucking on Spike's neck, intent on working a mark into that pale flesh, no matter how quickly it would fade.

Spike's head dropped back, slamming into the door as Xander's teeth burrowed into his skin. He knew he should pull away, knew that if he didn't then this was going to spin out of control. He knew, but he didn't care. He wanted Xander and it was plain that Xander wanted him. He pushed off the door and started to walk them back to the couch, knowing that the bedroom was simply too far away. Xander backed along with him, never moving away from the spot on Spike's neck. Spike turned and then tumbled back onto the couch, dragging Xander's body on top of him.

Xander finally lifted his head from Spike's neck, moving to rest more comfortably on Spike, moving to nestle in between Spike's legs. His breath caught as their pelvises hit, hard length rubbing on hard length. He reached up and turned on a light on the end table next to Spike's head, blinking at the sudden brightness.

"Bloody hell, Xander, what did you do that for," Spike yelled out, dazzled by the light.

"Sorry, just, wanted to see you is all, don't have super vamp sight, remember." Xander said quietly, moving back down and tracing his fingers over Spike's cheek. He needed to see Spike, needed to make sure this was real and not just another vivid fantasy.

"Oh," Spike replied, at a loss for words. It wasn't what Xander had said so much as the tone of his voice. It was clear that Xander wanted to see him, wanted to make sure that it was real. If so, then it meant that Xander wanted to confirm that it was him, not pretend that it wasn't. "Have to say, like what I see, Xander." Spike looked up, soaking in the dark eyes and sweaty hair, feeling sweet breath on his cheek.

"Likewise. Want to see more though." Xander leaned up and started to pull at the duster, growling a little in frustration as the coat caught on Spike's arms, caught under Spike's back. He pulled back and settled onto his heels, trying to pull Spike up so that he could get those damned clothes off him. Not that Spike wasn't sublimely sexy in them, it was just that Xander wanted to see how much sexier he was without them.

Spike grabbed Xander's hands, halting him. "You sure about this, Xander?" Spike focused on looking deeply into those rich brown pools, trying to ignore the overwhelming scent of lust pouring down. This was going much, much more quickly than he had ever anticipated, and he wanted to make sure that Xander was ready for this. For once he wasn't just going to take momentary pleasure. He wanted Xander, not once, but as his, and, no matter how hard it was, he was going to do this right.

"Fuck right, I'm sure. Spike, please, just shut up and get naked." Xander grinned at the shock on Spike's face. "What, not vamp enough," he started only to be suddenly pushed onto his back, Spike's face inches from his.

"Last chance, no games, Xander, tell me you want this. And no games, no lies. Tell me." Spike stared down, unable to keep the desire from blazing in his eyes.

Xander stared back, then grinned happily. "Gods, love it when you say my name. And it should be pretty obvious I want this." He arched his hips up, pressing himself into Spike, grinding slowly.

Spike eyes flared and then he shrugged out of the duster, tossing it aside. He quickly peeled off both his shirts and leaned back down, kissing Xander deeply. He stopped Xander's hands from reaching down to pull off his own shirt. "No, let me." Spike eased the shirt up slowly, gently running his hands along Xander's chest, purring gently. Now that he knew Xander wanted him, he was going to take his time, do this right. No matter how much he wanted to get right to business.

Xander lay back, relishing the sensation of Spike's hands on his chest. He breathed slowly, trying to calm down, trying to relax. He was nervous and excited and glad that Spike was taking the lead. Sure, he may have watched Spike doing this over and over again trying to memorize Spike's every move, but, here, now, he had no idea what to do. He lifted his head and shoulders enough to allow Spike to pull the shirt over his head.

Spike ran his hands lovingly down Xander's chest, closely watching Xander's face, not wanting to move too quickly. Simple, keep everything simple, there would be more than enough time for experimentation later. Right now, everything they did would be new to Xander. He bent down and began kissing down Xander's chest, burying his hands in Xander's hair.

"Just relax, you're fine, it's all fine, nothing to worry about, tell me if you want to stop, just relax," the murmurs faintly rose to Xander's ears, but the words were meaningless, lost as he was in the feel of Spike's skin sliding down his, lost in the feel of Spike's mouth on his nipples. He reached out, running his hands down Spike's back, little keening sounds falling from his lips. He trailed his hands down Spike's back, then down Spike's ass. He felt the shudder run through Spike and he gripped harder, kneading and caressing the flesh beneath him. He moved his hands up to Spike's waist, trailing a finger under the waistband of Spike's jeans. He wasn't surprised in the least to find no other fabric meeting his hands. Somehow, he managed to work his hands down Spike's jeans and finally met the firm flesh with his hands.

Spike went still for just a moment, eyes rolling back in his head as Xander rubbed his ass. He swallowed hard then slowly turned on his side, feeling Xander's hand trail around his stomach, finally feeling the heat brush across the very tip of his erection. His hands moved to hover over the fly of Xander's jeans, waiting for permission. He buried his head into Xander's shoulder, biting down slightly in order to keep for spilling into Xander's hand. He was stunned by Xander's boldness.

"Guess you do want this," he managed to pant out as his control snapped. He quickly ripped Xander's jeans open, pausing only for a moment when he noticed that Xander was wearing no underwear.

"Thought boxers would just get in the way," Xander gasped out, tracing a hand over the ridges of Spike's abdomen. He wanted to reach down and stroke Spike, but was a little hesitant, not sure quite what to do. He settled on unbuttoning Spike's jeans, making sure to brush against Spike with each button.

"Good thought, mate." Spike replied, tugging Xander's jeans down, desperate to feel Xander pressed naked against him. Xander replied in kind and they squirmed against each other, each trying to pull the other's clothes away. They quickly tangled together in a flailing mass of limbs and denim. Xander started to laugh and, after a quick glare, Spike joined him.

"Not usually best to laugh when pulling a bloke's pants down, Xander," Spike spit out between chuckles.

"I know, just can't get them down if you don't move, or I don't move, or, well one of us has to move." Xander replied, eyes crinkling up. In reality, this was the best thing that could have happened, just a brief pause, some humor lightening the intensity of the situation.

"Right, stay there." Spike pressed a firm kiss into the center of Xander's chest, then sat back, pulling his jeans off. Xander looked hungrily down Spike's body, licking his lips at the pale, firm flesh revealed before him. If he thought Spike was beautiful on screen, then there were no words for how Spike looked now. He tore his eyes away and leaned down to push his own jeans away, Spike helping pull them off his feet. He couldn't remember kicking off his shoes, but they were gone and his jeans slid smoothly off his legs.

Spike looked down, memorizing the vision below him, the glow of the lamp casting shadows across Xander's body. Spike had time for one thought, **why the fuck does he cover up THIS** before falling back down on Xander's body. Hands roamed everywhere as finally, finally their lengths touched. They groaned, mouth to mouth, as they fell into rhythm, pumping against one another.

Xander tried to stop, wanted to stop, wanted to take the firm length into his mouth, but he couldn't keep from moving, driving his hips up again and again. Spike matched his movements, snaking a hand down to circle around them. There would be time enough for all else later. Now, now, they needed this. They drove faster and faster, until with a huge cry Xander came, spilling into Spike's hand, Spike following seconds later. Spike collapsed down and Xander circled his arms around Spike's waist. They stayed like that for a few moments, until Xander felt Spike smile into his neck.

"So, do you have any blood, feeling a bit peckish."

Xander laughed as they slowly moved up, Spike reaching down and grabbing his shirt, quickly cleaning them off.

"Not sure, how about pizza, I'll call," he reached for the phone, as always starved after sex.

"Sounds good, Xander." He rolled the name on his tongue, watching the smile cross Xander's face. He leaned over, pressed a quick kiss on Xander's cheek. "You call, I'll start us a shower, get you clean." **So I can get you dirty again** Spike grinned at the thought of the possibilities of Xander, soap and water.

"There in a second." Xander called, watching Spike set off, naked, to his bathroom. He knew he was grinning from ear to ear but he couldn't help it. Shaking his head quickly, he battled back the urge just to head after Spike. No, call first, then join Spike. Needed nourishment so they could start up again. **Glad I put those curtains on the windows** he thought while waiting for the phone to be answered. He quickly placed the order, hung up and practically ran for the bathroom, anxious to have that cold flesh in his arms again.

Part Six

Spike carefully tested the water, flinching back slightly as the icy stream splashed up his arm. He adjusted the taps again, then cautiously reached a hand in once more. A strong, hot stream caressed across his skin. Just right. Of all the many things he missed about the mansion, running water was near the top of his list. No matter how much he cultivated the image of the Big Bad, he liked his comforts. Running water, electricity, pizza delivery. He quickly located Xander's towels and stacked some on the toilet lid within easy reach. The click of the phone reached his ear and he stepped under the water, wanting to catch Xander by surprise, wanting to kiss him senseless before Xander started regretting this evening. He wasn't sure his boy would have regrets, but he didn't want to take the chance. Besides, he knew just how inviting he could look with his hair matted around his head and water streaming down his chest.

Xander hurried down the hall, anticipation curling through his body. Ah, finally the vampire would actually be in his shower, not just there in his imagination. The pale body had been his misty companion during many a shower since the first night of watching him on that small screen. And now, hopefully, it was actually there waiting for him. He opened the door, the steam curling as he did so. He padded quietly over to the tub, knowing that his idea of scaring Spike was futile, but wanting to try anyway. He could just make out the trim figure through the shower curtain and his eyes lit up as he dragged out the last seconds of anticipation. He reached a hand up to pull the curtain back only to let out a startled yelp as his wrist was grabbed and he was unceremoniously yanked into the shower.

"Xander, come on in, the water's fine," Spike grinned up at Xander, batting long black lashes, laughter dancing in his eyes. A shock of hair was plastered against his cheek and the rest tumbled over his eyes. He looked disheveled, debauched and thoroughly content. He gave Xander no chance, not a single moment to adjust before he pulled them together into a fiery kiss, tongue tickling Xander's palate, bringing all his years of skill to bear until he felt Xander's knees go weak, until he knew, knew that Xander had no regrets, that Xander had never let even a hint of regret cross his mind. He gentled the kiss, making it tender, caring, calming them both, giving them both an opportunity to regroup. With one last caress, he pulled away.

Xander sucked in a breath and reached up both hands to stroke through the soft tresses. The pale strands had deepened to a rich honey color. "Spike, wish you could see, great color," Xander couldn't stop running his hands through Spike's hair, hearing a low purr rising from Spike's chest. Spike gently placed his hands on Xander's waist and tugged him under the spray, wanting to see Xander thoroughly wet, wanting to make Xander feel as peaceful as he did. Xander's hands slowly moved down to Spike's shoulders as he tugged the vampire forward, pulling him into a loose embrace. They sighed together, content as the water streamed over them, the only sounds the patter of the water as it struck their flesh, Xander's quiet breathing and Spike's calm purring.

Spike finally pulled away, wanting to touch, to trace the firm flesh under his fingers. "Pet, here, turn around," he picked up the shampoo, smiling slightly as he saw the small row of shampoo and bath gel still on the shelf. Apparently, Xander's demon girl had introduced to other little luxuries as well. The clean scent filled the room as Spike poured the shampoo in his hand, recapping the bottle, rubbed his palms together, then set to work. Xander tilted his head back, eyes closed, a low rumble coming from him as well. Spike's fingers massaged into his scalp and the rumbling increased, Xander leaning back harder into Spike's chest. Somehow, this was even more intimate than feeling himself spill into Spike's hand, then feeling Spike's seed shoot across his body. Perhaps it was the surprising gentleness of Spike's fingers, the way that it seemed there was nothing in the world Spike wanted more than to be here, doing this, at just this moment. Xander slowly began twisting his back on Spike's chest, the water soothing the friction between their skin. Spike's skin was warming under the falling water and Xander wanted to warm him even more. He felt Spike gently pull him back and Xander automatically reached up, rinsing the shampoo from his hair.

Spike slowly gnawed on his lower lip as the muscles moved across Xander's back, the play of them tight under the skin. "So beautiful," the words escaped him without a thought and Spike felt the sudden hesitation as Xander's hands swiped the last of the shampoo from his hair. Suddenly, he was pinned to the shower wall, Xander's body pressed firmly against his.

"No, you are beautiful. Look at you, that perfect whiteness of your skin," Xander traced his tongue down Spike's throat, feeling the sudden swallow under his mouth. "So strong," Xander's mouth moved down to Spike's shoulders as the vampire's eyes fell shut, a shiver running through him even as the steam rose around them. "Love your collarbones, always have, used to watch you fight just to see the fabric pull across your chest, outlining the sharp line of the bone," Xander's voice was deep as he traced the angular lines. "All sharp edges, perfect planes," he reached behind Spike, grabbing the shampoo himself. He spun the suddenly quiet vampire back under the spray, flipping the cap open with one hand, while tilting Spike chin up with the other. Water ran down Spike's forehead and dripped from his nose onto the full lips, catching briefly there before running down Spike's chest, catching in the ridges of his abdomen before snaking down his legs. They were both hard again, both beginning to pant slightly.

"Just want to return the favor," Xander cleared his throat at the look of pure desire that blazed through the slit of Spike's eyes. Pulling Spike flush against him, he began washing Spike's hair, ridding it of the last, faint traces of cigarette smoke. Spike growled low in his throat, rubbing in the curve of Xander's hip. Xander's breath caught, and Spike slowed his pace, not wanting either of them to lose control, not quite yet. Xander stepped back to let Spike rinse his hair, wanting to look, just look for a long moment, faintly wishing he could film this. Not just for the vision of Spike's body, but for the tiny glimpses of happiness that suddenly appeared and as abruptly vanished, wishing he could capture just one of those split seconds when Spike's guard was down. His quiet thoughts were broken as Spike grabbed him yet again, pressing him hard against the back wall of the shower.

"Stay there, don't move." Xander just nodded, as Spike stepped back, eyeing him from head to toe. Spike's eyes slowly turned a deeper shade of blue as he spent long moments just staring at Xander, fixing the image in his mind. Broad shoulder, broader than he let on. *Have to get him to stop that bloody slouching* The thought ghosted through his mind and he smiled slightly. A hand reached up and he ran it down Xander's chest, so warm and alive. He stopped and pressed his palm over Xander's heart, leaving it there, closing his eyes as he concentrated on feeling the heartbeat in his palm, letting it run up his arm and pound into his own body, the sound of the blood running in Xander's veins singing in his mind. He stepped closer, feeling Xander's eyes on his face. They stared at one another for countless heartbeats, feeling something else swirling around them, something more than mere lust and passion. Xander brought his hand up and pressed Spike's hand closer, trapping Spike in layers of golden flesh, feeling his pulse quicken as the still cool flesh burned into him.

Spike slowly leaned in and just barely rested his lips against Xander's, less than a kiss, more than a touch, Xander's breath filling his mouth. A warm tongue traced his lower lip and he leaned in closer, their hands falling away as Xander wrapped his arms around Spike's back, Spike's hands resting on Xander's shoulders. They kissed slowly, deeply, molding together. Xander abruptly pushed away from the wall and forced Spike to move back under the water, never breaking contact, the kiss continuing, interrupted only for quick gulps of air for the mortal.

Xander finally wrenched his mouth away and he abruptly dropped to his knees, hands sliding down to cup Spike's ass as he did so, pulling Spike's cock into perfect position.

"Xander" he faintly heard moaned above him as he lowered his head and pulled Spike into his mouth, trailing his tongue up and down the shaft, one hand creeping around to fondle Spike's balls, the other still rubbing Spike's ass.

"Bloody hell, Xan," Spike panted out, shocked again at Xander's boldness. He blindly stretched out an arm to brace himself against the shower wall, fleetingly concerned that his knees would simply give way. Xander just continued the firm suction, still able to faintly taste their combined essences on Spike's skin. A moan escaped him and vibrated along Spike's flesh, pulling a matching sound from Spike. The slim hips began to pump and Xander moved his mouth in rhythm, matching Spike's movement, taking in more and more of Spike with each movement, wanting to devour Spike whole.

Spike felt his control beginning to shatter, all his long years of experience meaningless now. The heat of Xander's mouth, the heat of the shower, he felt like he was on fire, like he was being touched by the sun. Echoing growls chased through the room as his human façade slipped, as Xander moved faster, the hand on his balls moving up to stroke the base of his cock. The other hand was still on his ass, still rubbing circles in the skin. Deeper and harder, wetness surrounding him, Spike slowly lost awareness of all but Xander, everything but the feel and sound of Xander's lips on his flesh. His head snapped back and he howled when he felt a finger slip into his ass, the sensation overpowering him. He tried not to buck, but couldn't stop himself, tried not to choke Xander, tried to pull away, but Xander held him tight, drinking up every drop he could.

Xander slowly stood, watching the tremors still running through the pale body, Spike's eyes closed. He gently reached over, grabbed a wash cloth and gently but quickly washed them both. Spike slowly opened his eyes as he felt Xander's touch tracing over him. His body was humming, he couldn't remember feeling this good in so long, too long, longer than he could even remember. He could feel Xander's erection press into his back and a wicked smile curled across his features. So, the whelp had learned a few things from those videos. Well, now, it was nice to know he was a quick study. The smile deepened. But watching was one thing. Doing another. But experiencing, now experiencing was something else entirely. Spike turned to face Xander, his intentions clear on his face.

"Xander," Spike started, only to feel a finger pressed to his lips.

"Your turn soon. Just have to get out in a minute. Pizza will be here soon. And I want to eat, need to keep my strength up. Have a feeling I'm going to need it." Xander grinned back. He leaned over to turn off the water, starting a little when cool lips kissed the base of his spine.

"Oh, I definitely think you will, luv." Spike handed Xander a towel then grabbed one of his own. "No, I'm definitely sure you will."

Part Seven

Xander slid the plate across the table to Spike, reaching up and taking a bite of his own slice as he did so. Gods, he was starving. And the pizza was perfect, burnt just enough. A quick slug of beer and the grin was back. He couldn't help it, he knew damn well he looked like an idiot, but he felt good. Like he knew that he would. His grin stretched wider as the music started in his head. Oh yeah, he felt just fine. No guilt for Xander. Nope. None to be found.

He had expected that, really he had. He had braced himself for guilt and self-loathing and self-hatred and any other nasty emotion he could imagine. Not that he planned on stopping. He couldn't have. He wanted this too much. But there was none of that present. Just happiness. Maybe it was because he finally realized that Spike wasn't just using him, wasn't just planning some twisted mind game to get at Buffy or Angel or whomever else the vampire was aiming for. No, something had happened when Spike pressed his hand to Xander's heart, something snapped and Xander knew that Spike wanted him. Just wanted him. For no other reason than because he did. Xander took another quick bite, smirking up at the ceiling. Yes, he was happy. Now if he could just manage to get up the nerve to look over at Spike.

"Pet, something interesting up there," Spike turned his chair so that he was sitting right next to Xander, leaning his head up to stare at the spot on the ceiling that was fascinating his lover so. A lazy smile curled on his lips. His lover. Well now, wasn't this a shock. Never expected it to be true. At least not this quickly. But now here they were, eating together after what Spike had to admit had been a rather spectacular evening. And only going to get more so if he had any say in it.

"Not really. Never noticed that crack before. And I have spiderwebs." Xander kept his head tilted back, a slight blush coming over him. Embarrassment, however, appeared to still be on the agenda. He didn't know how to ask, how to find out if Spike liked what he had done. Well, fine, it was fairly obvious that Spike liked it well enough, but, well, Xander wanted more, wanted to know what he had done that felt good, what he could have done to make it feel better. And he did want it to get better. But Spike so clearly knew what he was doing and Xander so clearly didn't and it was playing with his head, riling up all his insecurities once more.

"That you do, mate. Suppose we should get a ladder and sweep them down," Spike inched over a little on his chair, puzzled as Xander's blush deepened. Surely the whelp couldn't be having regrets now? Not after what had just happened between them. He had to know that Spike wasn't playing with him now, didn't he? After all, here he still sat, eating pizza with Xander, drinking his beer, practically oozing pleasure from his every pore. My but the boy learned quickly, if he hadn't known better, he would have sworn the boy had been taught how to suck dick by a master. Hells, he could have given lessons. Enough natural talent there to destroy him in moments. When he thought back to his first time with Angelus, well, good thing he couldn't blush or they would both be sitting there burning red in the night. And it had been so awkward after, he had had no idea what to say or do. . .

Spike practically slapped himself in the forehead at his own stupidity. And just how was Xander supposed to know what to say or do? Bloody hell, he just assumed the whelp would know how marvelous it had been by the fact that he tried to shove his entire cock down Xander's throat. Either that or the howling should have been a bit of a clue. But Xander wouldn't necessarily know that, now would he? Spike restrained a hiss as the acrid scent wafted over to him. And damn those supposed friends of his for letting him remain so insecure. He closed his eyes for a moment, cursing the chip, cursing the fate that kept him from destroying everyone who had every hurt the precious man next to him. If he had but world enough and time. Well, he had right now. He could change it now.

"Xander," Spike turned and pressed a cool hand to the warm skin. "Xander, look at me."

With a barely perceptible shudder, Xander turned to face Spike, not really wanting to know what he would see, prepared for the usual sardonic grin. Not prepared for the openness and honesty peering back at him. "Spike," Xander sighed, unsure of what more to say.

"Just wanted to say thanks. That was bloody amazing." Spike held the gaze a moment more, fighting back his terror at being so exposed to someone who could hurt him so very much with just one word, just one wrong look. He lifted an eyebrow. "Sure you haven't done that before. From where I was standing felt like you knew just what you were about."

Xander started laughing at that, snapping the tension in the air. "Oh, yeah, Spike. Been doing it for years. Have my own infomercial. 'How to please your undead lover in six easy lessons. Call now and this peppermint flavored body oil will be yours as our free gift. Operators are standing by. Only six easy payments of 19.95.'" Xander stopped, hearing Spike's laughter mix with his own.

"Worth the money, pet." Spike watched the flush creep back up Xander's cheek. This time, however, it wasn't from embarrassment. He placed his bottle on the table, then stood, pressing a quick kiss on the top of Xander's head. "Stay here, eat. Back in a few. Want to thank you properly, now don't I." He trailed cool fingers down the side of Xander's neck, drawing a shudder from them both. He stalked down the hall, heading straight for Xander's bedroom.

Xander stared for a moment, then turned back to grab another slice. So, Spike had really liked it. He grinned back up at the ceiling. "Looks like splicing that tape helped." He chuckled, letting the film unspool in his mind. He had taken all the scenes he could find of William blowing Spike and edited them together, watching closely to see which reactions were for the camera and which were real. He soon realized that if Spike truly liked something he would go still. So Xander had edited the tape back down, collecting only those moments. Then he watched it, over and over, memorizing it, glad once again that he had this insight into his vampire.

Spike looked around the room, checking one last time to make sure it was just how he wanted it. Now, now he would fall back on his plan of going slowly, of seducing Xander into enjoying this as much as Spike knew he could and should. Candles flickered and the faint scent of sandlewood from the incense he had briefly burned filled the air. Pillows were arranged just so, the perfect angle to support Xander's body. A small bowl of warm water half hidden under the bed, washcloths next to it.

"Just need flowers and candy and you'll just be the perfect little man won't you. Wanker." The self-mockery made him grin. Fuck it all. He was a romantic. And if this, if this wasn't the right time to pull out all the stops then Spike had no idea when it would be. "At least I haven't written the bloke anything. Even I wouldn't torture someone like that. Well, maybe the Slayer. When is her birthday again? Xander will know." He turned on his heel and headed back towards the kitchen, ignoring the twist in his gut. He didn't get nervous. Hadn't been nervous in over a century. Well, maybe a few decades. Well, as long as he was being honest with himself, since he kissed Xander that first time. But no, he wasn't nervous now. Not at all.

Xander felt Spike slowly walk up behind him. He continued staring at the wall, hands resting on his clasped hands, elbows propped on the table. Cool hands dropped to his shoulders and he sighed as Spike slowly kneaded the muscles.

"Xander, do you want to me to go?"

Xander leaned his head back, seeing Spike's face peering solemnly down at him. He shook his head, touched by the gesture, the oblique check to see if this was what Xander truly wanted.

"No. Of course not." Xander could have sworn that a look of relief crossed Spike's face, just for a moment, but it was gone so quickly that Xander couldn't be sure. The hands on his shoulders gently tugged him up and he rose, letting Spike take his hands and lead him down the hall.

"Xander," Spike breathed his name into his lips as the vampire walked backwards into the bedroom, pulling Xander into the room after him. "Lie back, luv. Just relax, let me," cool hands pressing him to the bed, settling him down. Long, slow kisses, tender, calm, nothing urgent, nothing demanded. Nothing but the feel of Spike worshipping his mouth. Xander's head began to spin. He felt drugged, drunk on the feel and taste, by the unreality of the scene. He struggled to open his eyes as Spike moved to kiss up and down his neck, careful, ever so careful not to linger on any one spot too long, not to let his teeth graze the tender skin, careful not to do anything that would cause Xander to fear him. "Xander," breathed into his ear as a cool tongue traced the curve.

Xander tried to move, to return some of the pleasure being given to him. But he couldn't, he couldn't seem to gather his wits together enough to do so. He felt a brief twinge of guilt, then suddenly he realized that the low noise in his ear was words, words directed to him.

"Shh, just be still. You are already giving me all I could desire, just enjoy. Just let me," the words were quiet, almost inaudible, but their meaning came through, penetrating the haze of pleasure in Xander's mind. He nodded slowly, then closed his eyes, giving himself over completely to Spike's hands. A stray thought flickered weakly *when did you start trusting him that much, just a few hours ago thought he was using you* only to die away.

Spike reluctantly pulled back, licking his lips to savor the taste of Xander's sweat. He reached an arm behind Xander's back and pulled the warm body up, raising him enough to be able to pull the t-shirt over Xander's head, running a flat hand along Xander's chest as he did so, unwilling to lose contact with the glowing flesh. He settled Xander back down and returned to his self-appointed task of tasting every inch of Xander, of covering every bit of skin with tiny, biting kisses.

Time expanded, time contracted. Xander felt himself falling, falling into some warm sea of bliss he had never known existed. What was this slow and steady exploration, this examination of his body as it were the first that Spike had ever touched? Where had this gentle being come from? Where indeed had Spike kept him hidden? He started to pant when those lips finally found his nipples, sucking them slowly, slowly, warm and wet. He was so hard, so hard, yet he never wanted this to end. He felt Spike raise his hips from the bed, felt his sweats ease down, but it was all part of this, part of the spell Spike had cast around them. Cool lips now moved up his legs, strong hands caressed his thighs. He moaned now, far past any shame, past any self-consciousness. There was only this, only them, only the amazing pleasure that Spike was giving to him, the pleasure Spike was placing at his feet, a shy gift freely given.

The moaning grew louder, ringing in Xander's ears as Spike kissed his way up Xander's thighs, lavishing attention on the soft, soft skin along his hipbones. Ever closer, inching in slowly, so slowly towards Xander's erection, the length bobbing with every beat of his heart.

"Xander," Spike's voice deep, harsh with longing.

Xander forced his eyes to open and meet Spike's, leaning up slightly from his nest in the pillows, seeing those perfect lips poised directly over his tip. He stared down, locking the sight forever in his memory. Then a quick nod and Spike dropped his head down, slowly taking Xander deeply in his mouth.

Xander crashed back down, strangled cries filling the room. Nothing had prepared him for this, for the feel of Spike's tongue tracing the vein, for the coolness of that mouth so perfect against his heat, for the cut of those cheekbones along his stomach. Nothing had ever even hinted at the feel of Spike's palm under his sac, the trace of fingertips along his base as Spike moved his head slowly along his shaft. Nothing. Everything. Heaven itself.

He tried to last, tried to make it go on and on, but he couldn't, he couldn't, not when he could slit open his eyes and see the object of his long denied desire wantonly sprawled between his thighs. He tried to gasp out a warning, but the sound was cut off in his throat. He came, arching in the air, arching into Spike's mouth, Spike moaning as well as he swallowed again and again and again. Xander shook beneath him, the intensity overwhelming.

Mindless moments, an eternity of time later Xander realized that Spike was gently washing him, wiping away the sweat that covered his body. He shivered a little, suddenly cold, only to feel a warm blanket drape over his body. His eyes fluttered shut again as he reached a hand back to pull Spike to rest behind him.

"Stay. Please, William." Xander felt cool arms wrap around his waist as Spike settled in behind him, spooning perfectly against his back.

"Wouldn't dream of leaving, Xander." Cool lips skimmed his ear as they nestled together, drifting off to sleep.

Part Eight

Spike propped himself up on one hand and stared down at the body nestled so closely next to his. They fit together well, even though Xander was larger than he was. Larger, broader shoulders, broader chest, taller. Almost as strong. He smiled softly, stroking a hand down Xander's arm. Who ever thought that his skin would be so soft? The warmth of it drew him and he settled back down, dropping his forehead to rest in Xander's hair. He inhaled deeply, memorizing the scent. It was dusky and deep, he smelled like the forest after a storm. He nuzzled in deeper, trying to burrow through to the scalp underneath, needing to be as close he could.

His eyes fell shut as he willed himself to be still, to calm the racing in his veins. Time to linger and savor now, now when Xander was fast asleep, lying so trustingly in his arms. A long, winding road to end up here in this bed, limbs tangled with a Slayer's friend. Of all the curious turns his existence had taken, this was one of the strangest. As if it wasn't enough for him to be helping a Slayer, no matter how reluctantly, now he had chosen to fall for her friend.

Spike smiled into Xander's neck, relishing the brush of the flesh on his lips. As if there was a choice, as if there was anything he could have done to stop it. As if there was anything he would have done to stop it. He wondered how this happened, how in the space of a few short days his world turned about him. This wasn't what he planned, not at all what he pictured when he set about his grand scheme of seduction. All he wanted to do was take the boy, take him slowly and thoroughly, debauch him and leave him spent and begging for more, spent and desperate for more. All he wanted was to make him need Spike as desperately as Spike needed blood, make the boy crave his touch the way he craved violence and pain. Then, then he would leave, would turn his back, laugh and walk out the door. After telling all the whelp's friends of course, that went without saying. That was his grand scheme, to give one of them a taste of how pathetic and sad his life now was. The smile grew as Spike let out a tiny laugh. He never really was much for sticking to a plan. Once again the spider got caught in his own web.

Xander turned a little in his sleep, sinking deeper into the mattress as he drifted into dreams. Spike felt the movement and he tensed for a moment, sure that Xander was pulling away. He relaxed as Xander stilled, hearing his breathing slow even more as Xander fell deeper asleep. He moved slowly to adjust to their new position as Xander was now lying more on his stomach than his side. Spike curled next to him, never relinquishing his grip on Xander's waist. The muscles were firm under his touch and Spike pondering again why Xander would dress so sloppily. Why had that little demon let him get away with it? He knew that he was longing to see Xander in something a little tighter, a littler more fitted, something that would show off what was his. Spike nodded as understanding struck. Ahh, so that's why she never said anything, why she never took the female prerogative to completely redo his wardrobe. She didn't want anyone else playing with what was hers. Well, too late, she left and Xander wasn't hers anymore. Maybe he would simply start slipping some of his own shirts into Xander's closet when he wasn't paying attention.

Spike drew in a startled breath at the turn his thoughts were taking. "Easy now, mate, don't be getting ahead of yourself. One day at a time, that's how this will be, one day at a time." He whispered the words aloud, needing the sound to ground him in the present. There he was again, thoughts skittering ahead of him, making yet more plans that were sure to come crashing down around his ears. He was acting as if there was something more than there was, something more than just hormones and curiosity on the part of the whelp. That was all it was, after all, nothing more than that. For hells sake, he tried to kill the boy in the past, would certainly try to kill him in the future. That's all this was, just some crazy experiment on the part of the boy and it was just his good fortune to show up at the right moment to take advantage. That's all this was. Nothing more. Xander didn't care. It didn't mean anything, he didn't care. Spike felt his heart harden as he repeated the words over and over. Just lust. Nothing more. It didn't mean anything more.

He could possibly have succeeded in convincing himself of this if Xander hadn't let out a happy sound and said his name.

"Spike," just his name. Just that single syllable. Yet somehow this sleeping god imbued it with such warmth that Spike thought he could feel his heart beat for just one moment. Then it happened again. "Spike," just as happy and content as the last time. Spike leaned up again, checking to see if Xander was awake. He wasn't, his eyes were darting under the closed eyelids and it was clear that he was dreaming. Xander was dreaming some happy dream. And that happy dream was about Spike. Xander smiled in his sleep and let out another happy sigh.

Spike stared down, unable to turn away. The fierce panic suddenly faded away, gone, replaced by nothing but joy. So he was wrong. Perhaps it was time to let loose of the fierce hold on his emotions. He knew precisely what he just tried to do. Lock his heart away before he lost it entirely. It never took much to make him give it away. Just a little care, just a little tenderness, just a little attention paid to him for no reason but for the pleasure of his company. Just someone to accept him for who he was, demon and poet in equal measure. And Xander did just that.

He forced himself to finally admit the truth now that he was here in the place he longed to be. This was never just about sex. It was never just about using and leaving Xander as a lesson to the others. This was never about just finding a fuck buddy. No matter what lies he told himself. This was always about taking whatever scraps of attention Xander would give him. In his most cherished fantasies he never imagined Xander wanting him back and so he always pictured it in terms of possession. Xander would be his, but only after Spike turned him, or if something happened to one of Xander's friends and the boy blamed himself and he sought out the poison of Spike's arms as punishment. Something like that. It was unimaginable that Xander would want him any other way.

But apparently it not only was it imaginable, it was real because he could still taste Xander in his mouth and the rich odor of their scent clung to his skin and the warmth of Xander's back burned his chest. It was real. Spike moved his mouth to the nape of Xander's neck and gently sucked, just enough to raise a small red patch but not enough to leave a mark. As much as he wanted to leave a mark he wouldn't, at least not without Xander's permission. He just wanted to taste him a little, just wanted that closeness once more. He moved his way down Xander's spine, bringing his other hand to stroke through Xander's hair. Gods, he loved Xander's hair, it was so full and silky and it smelled so good. Xander stirred under his touch and he slowly turned to face Spike.

"Hey." Xander blinked, clearing the last traces of sleep from his mind. He ran his hands down Spike's sides, content to his core. This was so much better than he ever imagined. He pressed a quick kiss to the center of Spike's chest, then dropped his head back to the pillow. He stretched slowly as Spike moved to hover over him, amazed at how natural and right this felt. Spike's lips caressed the soft spot on his temple, then the vampire pulled back and tucked into Xander's side. A cool arm draped across his chest, long fingers pressing over his heart. Spike rested his head on a broad shoulder and Xander automatically pulled him tight. Spike was quivering ever so slightly, and Xander pulled him in a little closer, wondering what the problem could be.

"Spike, you okay?" Xander felt the hand over his heart press down a little more as Spike buried his face in Xander's shoulder.

"I'm fine. This feels nice." Xander barely heard the words even though Spike's mouth was so close to his ear. He just nodded and tugged Spike in closer still.

"Yeah, it does." Now it was Xander's turn to stroke smooth skin. "Have you been awake for long?"

"Not really," Spike felt his eyes fall shut, feeling the beat of Xander's heart under his palm. It soothed away the last of his fear, lulling him to sleep, drumming a song of peace into his weary mind.

"Well, sleep now, I've got you." Xander dropped a kiss on the top of Spike's head as he felt Spike drift away. "I've got you." He closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

Part Nine

Xander ran a hand through Spike's hair, tucking the wayward strands behind an ear. Damn it, he didn't want to leave. But he really couldn't justify calling off work just to stay in and shag Spike. No. He shook his head firmly as his hand strayed down to caress Spike's neck. No. He couldn't. No matter how much he wanted to. And dear gods did he want to. He shifted slightly on the bed, hoping the movement would wake the slumbering vampire.

"Spike," Xander called, gently tugging on Spike's shoulder. He hated to do this, Spike looked so peaceful and content, but he had to leave in the next ten minutes or he would be late. And there was no way he was just going to leave without talking to Spike first, if only for a minute. "Hey, sleepy head, rise and shine." Xander put a little more force behind the shake.

Spike blinked rapidly, trying to place where he was. He was in a big, soft bed, it was still dark, and there was someone else with him. Someone else. He started to jerk away from the hand on his shoulder, panic welling up as he heard the heartbeat. Then his mind caught up to his body and he paused. Xander. It was Xander. He was in Xander's bed. And it was Xander who was touching him. Spike sat up, yawning mightily and trying to shake away the lingering effects of sleep.

"Morning, Spike." Xander relaxed his grip on Spike's shoulder, then stood, reaching back for his coffee. He took a gulp as Spike looked him over.

"Going somewhere, mate?" Xander was dressed in jeans, work boots and a dark gray t-shirt under a flannel shirt. Spike just stared at him. He looked good like this. Spike turned his head, catching the clock out of the corner of his eye. "You do realize it's only 5:00 a.m. Where are you going?" It was far to early for Xander to be up, they couldn't have gone to sleep more than three hours before.

"Work," came the succinct reply.

"At this hour of the morning, are you daft? You have to be exhausted, come back to bed." Spike stretched a little more, then cocked his head slightly. "Sun's not even up yet."

Xander tore his eyes away from Spike's chest. If he kept looking, he was never going to make it out of the apartment. "I know, but we've been starting at 5:30 for the last few weeks. So, I have to get going. I didn't want to leave without telling you, though."

"Oh," Spike replied quietly, touched by the gesture. "Give me a few and I'll leave with you." He swung his legs over the bed, trying to remember where he'd tossed his clothes.

"Spike, you don't have to go just because I am. I mean," Xander took another sip of coffee, stalling a little as he tried to figure out the best way to put it. "I mean, you can stay if you want. You don't have to go." He resolutely kept his gaze locked on the bed, trying not to stare as Spike pulled on his jeans.

Spike paused in the process of lacing up his boot. "You mean that?" Xander just nodded and Spike fought back the urge to grab him and throw him to the bed. There wasn't enough time to really start anything serious before Xander had to leave and the vampire was not in the mood to spend the rest of the day completely frustrated. He stretched out a hand and touched Xander's arm for a moment. "Thanks. But I really think I best get going. What if one of the gang drops by and sees my car here? Besides, I need to get back before the sunrises anyway." He finished lacing up his boots, then gathered up his duster. He really didn't want to go, he wanted to stay here, wanted to be surrounded by Xander's things, by Xander's scent, by Xander's presence even while the boy was gone. However, Spike knew he had to go. He wanted a chance to think, to try to understand what was going on, to replay the events of the previous night over and over and over in his mind. And he couldn't do that surrounded by the thick scent of their sex.

"Are you sure?" Xander tried not to sound disappointed. Ever since he woke about a half an hour before, Spike's head nestled under his chin, Spike's arm around his waist, he had been looking forward to coming home to find Spike waiting for him. He turned and started to walk towards the kitchen, gathering up his jacket and toolbelt on the way. A surge of insecurity hit him as he headed towards the door. Of course Spike didn't want to stay, why would he. The vampire did have his own place and his own unlife after all. Just because they had sex didn't mean that he had any claim on Spike. He dumped the rest of his coffee down the sink, then took a deep breath, trying to shove the disappointment away. He knew he shouldn't feel so hurt, after all, Spike stayed the night. And Xander had never really expected the vampire to do that.

Spike trailed Xander into the kitchen, brow creased in confusion. Xander's shoulders were so rigid they had to hurt. Spike cast his mind back, trying to figure out what possibly could be upsetting his lover so much. For one panicked moment, Spike knew, knew that all the regrets Xander ignored the night before were finally overpowering him. A low growl began to build in Spike's chest, only to die out when he caught sight of Xander's face. Xander looked so sad, so hurt and lonely that Spike felt his heart break. So, that was it. Xander thought he was leaving because he didn't want to stay, not because there was no other choice. Well, Spike thought as he strode forward, time to stop that thought right now.

"Xander, look at me for a second." Spike cupped his hand under Xander's chin, forcing his head up.

Shaking his head slightly, Xander continued to stare at the floor. There was no way he was looking up until he got his emotions under some kind of control. There was no way he was going to let Spike see him like this.

"Xander, please." Spike stepped closer, bringing his other hand up to rub the back of Xander's neck. "There's something I need to say." Dark eyes finally looked up at that, the quiet conviction behind the words drawing Xander's gaze up against his will.

Spike tightened his hold on Xander's chin, making sure Xander couldn't pull away. "I'm not leaving because I want to go. I'm leaving because I have to go. I want nothing more than to stay here, where everything I see and everything I touch is a part of you. I want nothing more than to be the first thing you see when you come through that door at the end of the day. I want nothing more than to be waiting here for you to return to me. But I can't. You know, that, it's too dangerous. If I do, then one of them is sure to come by and find me here." Spike smiled slightly at that. "You know that between the two of us we have the worst luck on the planet. You know that's what's going to happen. And then there will be questions and accusations and I don't think either of us want that right now." He relaxed his hold on Xander's chin slightly, stroking his fingers lightly on Xander's face. "Right now, I want you all for mine. I don't feel like sharing you quite yet. So, I have to go. If you want, I'll be back the second the sun sets tonight." He locked eyes with Xander, trying to will him to believe. "Xander, I don't want to go. But I will come back." Spike released his grip on Xander's chin and then stepped back, waiting to see what reaction he would get.

Xander looked down for a second, kicking himself for being such a fool. Damn, why did he always have to doubt everything. He looked up, a smile crossing his face as the solution suddenly struck him. "Spike, as much as it pains me to say this, you're right."

"Damn straight I'm right, always am you know." Spike grinned back, relieved beyond words. So, looked like he said the right thing. It had been quite some time since he allowed himself to be this open and it was making him a little giddy.

"Shut up." Xander felt his smile stretch even wider. "You know, I can't believe the whole group of them just didn't come barreling in here last night. You're right, between the two of us the odds are pretty good that the building should have been hit by a meteor or something."

Spike just laughed, the stress instantly evaporating. Xander moved over to where Spike was leaning on the kitchen counter and put his hands possessively on Spike's waist. "And you were also right about something else. I don't want to share you with anyone yet either. Tell you what, I should be off work by about 3:00, 3:30 something like that. If you want, I could come to the crypt." Xander leaned in until he was pressed fully up against Spike. "If you want."

"Oh, I want. I definitely want." Spike stared up at Xander, delighted to note that Xander's eyes were dilated, feeling the beginnings of Xander's erection pressing into his thigh like his was pressing into Xander's. "Are you sure you have to go?" Spike hooked his fingers into the waist of Xander's jeans and tugged down firmly.

"Fuck. No. I mean, yes. I mean, I have to go to work. Jesus, Spike," Xander dropped his head onto Spike's shoulder as the vampire started to chuckle. "Oh gods it's going to be a long day."

"Tell me about it," Spike ruefully replied as he reluctantly moved his hands from Xander's waist to Xander's shoulders. "Tell me about it."

Xander stepped back, not trusting himself to kiss Spike without something untoward happening on the kitchen floor. "C'mon. Let's go before we both change our minds."

Xander walked slowly through the rows of tombstones, noting how different the cemetery looked during the day. It was strange to just be here walking along without watching every second for an attack. Really strange, but peaceful too. He shifted the bag from his left hand to his right, glancing down quickly to make sure nothing spilled. He was glad that they got done early today. He left work about 2:30 which was great because it gave him the chance to stop and pick up a few things that he wanted. That and he could stop back at the apartment and shower and change. Xander felt his heart begin to pound the closer he got to the crypt. It was insane, all he could think about was this all day long. Well, this and every single thing that happened the previous night, well that morning if he was being accurate. It was insane. But all he wanted all day long was to be with Spike. And now that he was going to be, he was so nervous he thought he was going to piss his pants. He smiled a little. And he knew exactly why. It was because of what was in the bag he was carrying. He took a deep breath, raised a shaky hand and knocked.

The door was yanked open almost before he could pull his hand back. "Xander, come in.," Spike called from behind the protection of the door. Xander quickly did so, then turned to watch as Spike firmly shut the door, then dropped a bar across. "Never hurts to take extra precautions."

They just stared at one another for a moment, neither quite sure what to say or do.

"Spike" "Xander"

They both stopped to let the other finish.

"Xander" "Spike"

Xander started to laugh as Spike just raised an eyebrow. "Right, let's try this again. Xander, I'm glad you're here."

Xander stopped laughing at the tone of Spike's voice. He dropped the bag and with three quick steps he crossed the room, pressing Spike against the wall. "You thought I wasn't going to show, didn't you?"

Spike turned his head away, jaw working as he struggled to find a response. "Yes." Yes. He actually had been positive that in the harsh light of day that Xander would come to his senses and head for the hills.

"Spike," Xander leaned down and pressed a quick kiss right next to Spike's ear. "I had to. All I could think about all day was seeing you again. Almost walked right into a ladder I was so distracted by remembering how you touched me, how you kissed me." Xander trailed a line of kisses from Spike's ear closer and closer to Spike's mouth. "Of course I came back. I wanted to. I want to. Don't doubt that." His lips grazed lightly over Spike's. "I have to admit, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's a little freaked by this."

Spike sighed as Xander's tongue slipped out and eased open his lips. He had spent the day teetering between joy and pain, joy as he relived the feeling of Xander's skin touching him, pain as he slowly convinced himself that Xander wouldn't be coming back. Why could things never be simple? Why could he never accept happiness without looking for the barb sure to be hidden inside? Because it's always there, it always is came the immediate thought. He ignored the small voice inside his head, concentrating instead on the warm mouth moving so sweetly over his. He sighed again as Xander deepened the kiss, hands roaming over him. It felt so right to be here, cold stone chilling his back as warm skin heated his chest. So right. He buried his hands in Xander's hair, pressing their mouths together, diving into the kiss, pouring everything he had into it, trying to pull them so tightly together nothing could ever separate them.

Xander finally pulled away with a gasp, resting his forehead on Spike's, holding onto Spike's shoulders tightly. "Air, air is of the good," he managed to pant out. Spike smiled slightly, then tilted his head, sucking his way down Xander's neck. The taste of the golden skin filled his mouth and he sucked a little harder, hands tugging at Xander's jacket. He craved the feel of Xander's skin on his, the sweet softness of it smoothing out the rough edges of his mind. He managed to slip the jacket off Xander's shoulders before it got stuck.

"Bloody hell, I cannot believe this is happening again," Spike moaned as he tugged on the fabric.

Xander threw his head back and laughed as he stepped back. "Spike, you have to admit, it is a little funny that we can't even manage to get each other's clothes off without it being a production." Xander took another step back as Spike's hands reached for him. "Uh uh, I'm going to go over here and strip. You stay there. That should work."

Spike immediately started to pull his shirt over his head, then froze. They hadn't even been together for five minutes and Xander was ready to get naked already? He turned, opening his mouth to speak. He nearly dislocated his jaw snapping his mouth shut. Xander's shirt was already off and he was bending down to unlace his boots. His back was rippling as the muscles played under the skin, the pale light that managed to spill into the crypt casting shadows across the skin. For one long moment, Spike simply stared, memorizing every line, every curve of Xander's body. For some reason, this struck him as almost unbearably erotic.

But then Xander looked up and the hungry look on his face obliterated all of Spike's higher brain functions with only one thought surviving the onslaught of lust. The faster you strip the faster you'll be naked. Spike wasn't sure whose voice it was, but he obeyed it.

Xander fell back on the bed, and Spike tumbled down on top of him. They came together frantically, mouths and hands roaming everywhere all at once, skin craving skin. They writhed together on the bed, rolling over and over until Spike put an arm down to keep them from tumbling off the edge. Pushing them back up, he leaned back, panting heavily. "Time out."

Xander nodded his agreement, eyes falling shut as he tried to catch his breath. "Sorry, it's just that I've been longing to touch you all day long."

"No apology necessary. Felt the same." Spike traced a finger across Xander's lip. He hissed as Xander opened his mouth and started to suck. "Xander," the low moan filled the crypt. "Fuck, Xander."

"That is kind of the idea," Xander pushed himself up on his elbows. He watched Spike's eyes widen as the vampire looked down at him.

"What's the idea?" Spike asked, his hand dropping down to rest on Xander's chest. Xander couldn't actually mean, no, Spike shook himself mentally, no, not that. Not yet.

"Fuck Xander." Xander slowly slid out from under Spike, pushing the trim figure off his legs as he did so. "I figured that was kind of the whole point of this." He reached past the stunned vampire and pulled over the bag. Keeping his eyes on Spike's face the entire time, he reached in, fished around for a moment, careful not to knock the thermos over, and finally found what he was looking for. He palmed the tube, then pressed it into Spike's hand.

"Xander," Spike sighed out, "I can't." He swallowed hard, then looked away. "I can't."

"Sure feels like you can from here," Xander quipped, a lump suddenly blocking his throat. Spike just continued to stare at the wall, his jaw clenched tight. "Spike, what's wrong, don't you, I mean," Xander dropped back onto the bed, draping an arm across his face. He didn't really want to look at Spike right now. "I just thought you wanted, I mean, I want you to, but, shit." He tried to roll off the bed, embarrassment flooding through him.

He didn't make it to the edge of the bed before Spike pinned him back down, face scant inches from his. "I want this more than I can begin to tell you. I want you. But I can't. I can't do it. It'll hurt and if I hurt you, then the fucking chip will go off and, well, blinding pain isn't really a turn on. Some pain, yes. That much, no." Spike pushed back, hands shaking in rage. "Shit, I would do anything, but, can't. Fucking bastards. Had to take everything didn't you."

Now it was Xander's turn to grab as Spike tried to move away. "Spike, it won't hurt that much, I mean, Anya and I," he flinched back as Spike growled at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. "Anya and I did stuff, you know," Xander looked down, embarrassed yet again. "Stuff. So, it's not like no one has ever done," he cleared his throat, "done that to me. So it'll be fine. I mean, unless you don't want to. . ." his voice trailed off. He had no idea how to handle this.

"Did it hurt?" The quiet words were whispered in his ear as Spike pulled him close.

"Just a little, but then it was fine. C'mon, you have to remember," Xander stroked Spike's back, trying to find the fire that was there just moments before.

"Yes. I do. And it always hurts, just a little. But what if that just a little is still too much?" Spike closed his eyes, burying his face in Xander's hair. "I don't want anything bad to happen."

"Well, neither do I. Can't we just try and see what happens? I mean, I don't want you in pain, but well, I do want this. I mean, I really really want this." Xander bit into Spike's shoulder as he moved one of those long, thin hands onto his ass.

"I can't." Spike shook his head. "I want to, I desperately want to, but I don't want it to be like that for you. How would you feel if we did and I collapsed in pain?"

"Like shit." Xander sighed, conceding Spike's point. "So, what, we can never,"

"No, I'm not saying that, we'll just have to think of something. And," Spike started to grin, some of his confidence returning. "I have a lot of time to think during the day you know. We'll just have to do something else in the meanwhile." He started to lick the curve of Xander's ear. How sweet it was to know one of Xander's hot spots.

"Like, like what?" Xander pulled Spike down on top of him, running his hands up and down Spike's back, feeling them both slowly start to respond once again.

Spike kissed him and then pressed the tube into Xander's hand. "How about fuck Spike?" He arched an eyebrow as Xander licked his lips.

"But I've never, I mean, I want it to be good. Spike, fuck," Xander breathed out, his hips arching up at the thought.

"As I believe you noted earlier, that is kind of the idea." Spike