Not Like This!
It wasn’t supposed to be this way.
That’s all Xander could think as he hovered, watching stunned as his friends gathered about his lifeless body. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Not like this. No, he was supposed to go out in a blaze of glory, rather like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Or, even better, in some grand gesture as he saved his friends (and, incidentally, the world) from certain destruction. It was supposed to be tragic and noble and be the stuff about which songs were written and stories told. People were supposed to name their children after him and stop and leave flowers and Deep Space Nine commemorative plates at his grave. It definitely wasn’t supposed to be like this.
“Are you sure he’s dead?” Anya asked as she poked his body with the end of the broom, her nose scrunched up in disgust.
“Quite sure, I’m afraid,” Giles sighed, bowing his head as he rubbed his glasses over and over.
“It, it wasn’t supposed to be like this,” Willow sobbed out. “I mean, not like this.”
Xander reached down to pat her on the back, glad that someone else agreed with him. He watched, stunned, as his hand went right through Willow’s shoulder. He waited for her to acknowledge his presence in some way, shiver or do something. But no, Willow merely kept on crying, rocking back and forth in Tara’s arms.
“C’mon, Wills, where’s that witchy intuition when I need it? I’m still here, do a spell or something, c’mon guys!” Xander thought he was screaming but wasn’t quite sure. It was hard to tell. He looked about frantically, trying to remember where Giles put The Handbook for The Recently Deceased. Dammit. He KNEW he should have paid more attention when he shelved the books.
Spike looked down at his body, looking completely appalled. "But, but I was going to do the whelp in. I mean, years and years from now when he was all sick and what not and he asked me to.” Spike snorted as they all shot him dirty looks. “Oh, stop looking at me like you don't all view me as your own personal Kevorkian."
“Be that as it may, Spike,” Giles began, only to interrupted by a loud thud as Buffy slugged Spike.
“You moron, how can you be so insensitive. Xander’s dead!” Buffy yelled, smacking Spike again for good measure. “You jerk, you didn’t even try to help.”
“Did so,” Spike shot back as he dodged yet another of Buffy’s blows. “But someone was too busy being all super Slayery and trying to Heimlich his lungs out. And I distinctly remember hearing the sounds of ribs cracking. Not really a lot of help when you break the poor lad, now are you?”
“Children!” Giles bellowed cutting off Buffy just as she sucked in a lungful of air. “This is not the time or the place for such arguments. We have more important things to worry about right now. For instance, what are we going to tell Angel when he gets here? You know that the only reason he was coming here was to see Xander. I have a feeling he’s not going to take this news well.” Spike and Buffy immediately shut up and began shuffling their feet, trying to look anywhere but at Xander’s body.
“This sucks,” Buffy said softly.
Xander nodded as he moved to her side and joined the gang in looking down on his still form. The reality of the situation finally caught up to him. Dead. He was dead. Not undead. Not kinda dead. Dead dead. And it really sucked. Xander sighed along with the rest of them, then started wandering through the shelves. He knew that book was around here somewhere. And he needed it. Because the second he found out how to move things, he was throwing a chair at Giles.
“Here, Xander, have a taste, Xander, you’ll love it Xander, just try one, Xander, what can it possibly hurt, Xander” he faintly muttered as he brushed his hands over the books. He grinned as he found the one he was looking for. “Good thing this is designed for the dead to hold. At least I can grasp this.” He leaned against the wall, tuning out the sounds of Spike and Buffy fighting over who had to lug his body out of the Magic Box. “I’ll show Giles. Harmless little maple bars my ass.”