Part One
Joey cautiously opened his door, chancing a quick glance up and down the street. Clear. All clear. A bitter smile touched his lips. That was one of the nicest things about their neighborhood. Everyone here was rich. Of course, everyone was rich. And some were rich and famous like he was. But best of all, some were rich and powerful. And when one of them picked up the phone and called the chief of police at home at 1:30 in the morning livid because the press was taking pictures of his 19 year old daughter as she came home from a date just because she happened to live two doors down and she came in crying and frightened, well, it was amazing how quickly the police would respond then. Then they would come and clear them out, not listening to the screams about freedom of the press and public byways. No, let one of the powerful men's daughters be harassed and then things would change.
He glanced around again, double-checking that the street was clear. He could hear the soft whoosh whoosh whoosh of the lawn sprinklers all up and down the street. A faint mist hung in the air and he shivered slightly as he headed across the way. He trotted up the sidewalk, noting that the lights were still on. Good. He knew JC was awake; Chris had called immediately before he set out and told him that JC was still up, but it was good to see the lights on. At least he wasn't sitting in the dark and brooding. Joey snuck a glance at his watch and grimaced. Fine, maybe it wasn't good that he was up when it was drawing close to 2 in the morning. But at least the lights were on.
He knocked on the door, one, two, three firm knocks, the way that he always did. He waited, rocking back and forth on his heels, turning his head to keep an eye behind him. They would be back soon. They were always back soon. He figured he still had about five minutes before he had to seriously start worrying. He frowned as the door stayed steadfastly shut. He knocked again, this time putting a little more force behind it. There was still no reply.
"Shit, man, c'mon, answer the door," Joey fumbled in his pocket, pulling out his phone. He hit the number and waited while it rang. "Fuck. Answer the damn phone, JC." He turned and watched the street, growling when the voice mail kicked on. He hung up, then dialed again. Still no answer.
"JC, pick up. I know you're there. And I know you're awake. Pick up, pick up, pick up. C'mon, I'm standing at your door freezing my ass off - it's chilly, man. Pick up or answer the door. Either one. Preferably answer the door. JC, JC, hurry up," Joey waited a second but there was no response. "Fine. I'll just start knocking again." He hung up, stuck the phone in his pocket and started rhythmically pounding the door. Still nothing. He stepped back, worry starting to eat through his veneer of calm.
"Hate to do this to you, Jace, but you leave me no choice." He pulled the keys out and stuck one in the lock. He hated to do it, he knew how much JC valued his privacy and he didn't want to abuse the trust JC had shown by giving him the keys. But desperate times called for desperate measures. Besides, the camera men would be back any second.
The key wouldn't turn. He stared at it for a moment, blinking owlishly in the pale light that hung over the door. He pulled the key from the lock, checking it over. Yes, this was his set to JC's house. Yes, this was the front door key. His sets of keys were all color-coded and this set had the navy blue toppers that were JC's color. And the largest key was the master key. That one would open all the doors. He slowly inserted it back into the lock and tried to turn it once again. Nothing. The lock wouldn't turn.
"C'mon, c'mon." He pounded on the door again as his fingers fumbled through the rest of the keys. He tried to think back over the hurricane of the last week, tried to remember who all had been allowed access to the house. He frowned as he went through the keys, none of them turning the lock either. His head snapped up as a nagging memory finally crystallized. A panel truck. Last night at about midnight a panel truck had arrived. He hadn't paid it too much attention, the police had waved it through and it was parked in front of the house next to JC's. His eyes squinted as he tried to remember the name on the side.
"Oh, shit. JC, open the door, you open this fucking door right now, do you hear me." He tried to keep his voice down; the neighbors were already on edge enough and hearing someone screaming outside JC's house was sure to have someone hitting the speed dial for the police. "JC, c'mon man, open this door. Open up. I'll kick it down if I have to, I can't believe you changed the locks on me, you bastard. Open. This. Door." He eyed the hinges as he pounded with both fists, trying to determine the best place to kick. "The neighbors are going to call the cops on me and I'll make them break it down and how will that look and I bet that someone's going to get a shot of this, JC. Please man, you're freaking me out a little, open the door. Open. This. Door." He pulled his fists back to take another swing and nearly landed on his face when the door suddenly flew open.
He stumbled into the entranceway, putting a hand on the wall to catch himself. He saw JC quickly shut the door behind him and heard the sound of deadbolts sliding shut.
"Jesus, C, it took you long enough." He turned to see the back of JC's head as he headed towards the living room.
“Sorry," came the quiet reply. He had to strain to hear and he walked a little faster, trying to catch up.
"Why didn't you answer the phone, you talked to Chris, what Chris better than me now?" He kept the question light, but in truth it was an honest inquiry. Ever since this started that morning a week ago he had only spoken to JC once. Justin had been over every day, trying to get JC to leave the house, Lance had managed to get JC to agree to give a brief statement, the five of them standing massed together on JC's front yard. And it seemed Chris spoke to him every hour on the hour. But he wouldn't take Joey's calls. He wouldn't come over to see him. He wouldn't let Joey come over to his house.
And that hurt. That hurt far more than Joey wanted to admit, even to himself.
"Chris managed to catch me when I picked up the phone to call my mother. I didn't answer the phone when he called either." JC walked into the living room, moving to stand by the windows looking over the back yard.
"JC, you might want to move away from there, when the photographers come back," Joey stopped when he saw the mess on the floor.
"When they come back, I'll close the curtains again." JC calmly replied, his head dropping to rest on the windowpane.
"JC, shit, man, what, what is all this?" Joey looked around, stunned by what he saw. The floor was littered with papers, the sections thrown everywhere. He swallowed when he saw the picture. That picture that started this whole mess. There were copies everywhere, mocking him from every surface. He made his way slowly across the room, flinching when he saw the taunting headlines.
And then there it was. A slightly blurry image taken from grainy videotape. A young man, someone with JC's profile, down on his knees, his head tilted back and mouth slightly open. It was incredibly obvious what he was about to do.
"Jesus, C, why are you doing this to yourself?" Joey bent down and began scooping the papers off the floor, angrily crumpling picture after picture after picture in his hands. "You shouldn't be holed up in here like this, you're just playing right into their hands." He swept another armful off the couch and smashed the print together. "You have to get out there and fight this. I can't even imagine how angry you must be, I mean, someone putting that picture out there and saying all that other stuff, but, c'mon, C, you have to fight. I don't know why you haven't sued them yet."
"I can't." Again Joey had to strain to hear JC's words.
"What, what do you mean, you can't, sure you can. We have teams of lawyers for just this kind of thing. I know you don't want to go through that again, but you have to fight back. Just saying that you have no idea where that's from isn't going to be enough, C. You have to stand up for yourself. You know we're right behind you, hell, Lance probably has a list of the best libel attorneys in his Palm. We'll just call him and let loose the dogs of war." Joey moved to stand next to JC, nudging him slightly with his shoulder, trying to get him to smile. JC hadn't smiled since that reporter thrust the copy of the Enquirer in his face at the press conference. And that frightened Joey more than anything else.
"I can't sue, Joey." JC continued to stare straight ahead, not really focused on whatever it was that was outside his windows. Joey watched him from the corner of his eye, saw how still JC was standing. That too was frightening. JC may not be as twitchy as Chris, but he was never this still. His hands were always moving, slight movements most of the time, but expressive nonetheless. When JC talked his whole body was involved, but most emphatically his hands. They teased him all the time that if they tied his hands behind his back he would be mute. But now, now he was still.
"Of course you can. It's easy. You call the lawyers, write a check for an obscene amount of money for the retainer and then sit back while they start saying things that you don't understand. It's like talking to Chris but you have to pay them." He turned to smile at JC, watching as something flittered across JC's face. Not quite amusement, but at least it was a reaction.
"That's not it, Joey. I can't sue. It's not that I don't want to sue. I can't." There was a waver now in JC's voice, a crack in the armor. Joey inched a little closer, trying to wedge himself into the chink.
"You know we're all behind you. They attack one of us, they attack all of us. You know that, no matter how long it takes." He said the words as passionately as he could, trying to convey the depths of that truth. No matter what, they would be there. That was simply how things were.
"You don't get it, Joey. That's not the problem. None of that's the problem. I. Can't. Sue. I can't. It's not that I don't want to, fuck, I would love to be able to, I dream of that, but I can't." JC's hands were now in fists by his side and Joey reached out, attempting to take one of JC's hands in his own. JC's knuckles were white and Joey was afraid that blood was going to start dripping from where his nails had to be biting into his palm.
"Don't. Don't touch me." Joey pulled back, startled by the vehemence in JC's voice.
"C, what, what's going on here? Really, what's wrong, they start saying all this shit about you and you hole up in here and you won't even defend yourself and all you'll say is that you don't know where they got that shot and now you're saying you want to sue but you can't. You gotta help me out here, JC. I don't get it." Joey leaned against the window next to JC, suddenly tired beyond belief. He had no idea what to do. He wanted to help, but he was being shot down at every turn. And now he couldn't even touch JC. He didn't even want to think about that.
"Do you know that truth is an absolute defense to libel and slander?" JC's voice was completely emotionless. Joey stared at him for a moment, the words making no sense.
"What? What does that have to do with," Joey sucked in a breath as the realization hit him. "Holy shit, JC, you can't mean." He began to shiver when JC suddenly turned his head, blazing blue eyes drilling into him.
"When I was LA and trying to make it there things got bad. Really really really bad. I couldn't even keep down a job as a waiter. How pathetic is that?" All Joey could do was stand there, eyes locked on JC's as the words poured out, bitter and vicious.
"Things got so bad, in fact, that at one point I was less then a week from being thrown out of the crappy rat infested little hole I was living in. And I was too fucking proud to call home for money. My parents told me that I shouldn't go, that I wasn't ready. But I went anyway. And there I was, not even there for four months and already about to be homeless. Well, I had no idea what to do. And I was dating this guy, Danny, and he told me that there was something I could do. He had some friends in the business," JC paused at that word, his eyes squeezing shut. Joey automatically reached for him, then stopped, his hand hovering over JC's shoulder. JC shook himself and Joey's hand dropped back to his side. "They were in the business. And Danny said that all I had to do was go down on him. That's it. Just go down on him, I wouldn't have to do anyone or anything else. And they would give me $500. I would get a grand if I was naked. I still remember what he said to me, 'Baby, it's fine, it's nothing that we haven't done, nothing that you don't love to do. So they film it, no big deal, we won't use your name, and we'll dye your hair and no one will ever know, and that'll be enough money for another three months or so and you can stay here. I don't want you to go, baby. And everyone will get to see what a gorgeous, talented mouth you have.'" JC's hand drifted to his mouth, his fingers absently brushing across his bottom lip. "He had a thing for my mouth. He said he loved my mouth." JC's hand fell away and he closed his eyes once again.
"I was so desperate, Joey, I didn't know what to do. And all I could think was that it was either do that or actually go sell my ass on the street and I knew Danny, fuck, I thought I loved him. So I said ok. And we went out and got that black dye and did my hair. And I stripped for them and sucked him off, god, I don't even remember how many times now, but we filmed for two days. I still remember how badly my throat burned afterwards. And they gave me my money and I could stay." JC turned back to gazing out the window and Joey simply stared at him, shocked. "So you see why I can't sue, Joey. It's true. Every word is true. That is a picture of me. I did suck off a guy for money. All those times they called us whores, well, they were right about me."
"No, Josh, no, you, don't even say that, don't you ever, ever say that. That's not true. You had sex with your boyfriend. That's it. You aren't a whore, Josh, don't ever, ever say that. Why didn't you call me, I would have done something, there would have been something, why didn't you tell me, shit, JC, you should have told me before now." Joey reached out and pulled JC into his arms, ignoring JC's attempts to shove him away. JC was so thin, it was clear he hadn't been eating and Joey had no problem holding him close. He buried his face in JC's hair, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to fall. "You should have told me."
"Yeah, that's an easy thing to say. Oh, Joey, when I was in LA I was in a porno. Wanna go for pizza?" JC muttered into Joey's chest, finally going still and letting Joey stroke his back. It felt so good. He had missed Joey so much over the last week. When he saw that picture and when those questions started all he wanted to go was go to Joey and tell him. Tell him everything. Every last shameful detail. Tell him all the ways in which he sold his soul. But he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to watch the way Joey's face would change, how his eyes would harden and how he would pull away, disgusted by what JC had done. Of course he would be disgusted by JC. JC was disgusted by himself. So he avoided Joey. Cut himself off from the care and the attention and the casual contact. And now, now he was too weak to resist the comfort of Joey's arms.
"I'm so sorry, Joey. So sorry, I didn't, I didn't think it would ever come out, he said it would never get out, he did, and I believed him, how the fuck could I believe him, he lied about everything else, of course he lied about this and now it's out and I've ruined everything, and you've got to hate me, you've all got to hate me," JC started struggling again and Joey reluctantly let him pull away, afraid that he would hurt JC if he tried to keep him still. JC backed across the room, coming to rest with his back to the wall. "I ruined it and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I don't know what to do, that's why I won't go outside, I don't know how to stop this, I don't know what to say,"
"We are going to say that that isn't you. That it's someone who looks like you and it isn't you. When they ask why you won't sue we're going to say that you aren't going to play into their hands by letting them reprint the lies all over again." Joey spoke calmly, nodding as he talked. His head was spinning, still trying to grasp what JC told him. All he could think about was how desperate and scared and lonely JC must have been. How he wished he could go back and stop it. How he was going to destroy whoever finally leaked this.
"But, but, it's not a lie." JC blinked at Joey, brows knitting together in confusion.
"If we say it is long and loud enough they'll have no choice but to believe it. I, shit," Joey ran his hands through his hair, trying to find some way to say it. "I, I, fuck, JC, you know they're selling the tape over the Internet." He watched as JC nodded shakily. "Well, please, don't get mad, but Chris got a copy." He watched the shudder ripple through JC's body and he moved closer. JC was deathly white now and he was afraid he was going to pass out. Joey wondered when the last time was that JC managed to get some sleep. There were enormous circles under his eyes and he looked shaky. "I'm sorry, JC. You know we had to see it."
"Who, who all watched," JC whispered, gaze fixed on a spot on the floor.
"Just Chris." Joey took another step closer until he was standing directly in front of JC. "I swear it. Just Chris. And he said that it's only like ten minutes and he swore that it wasn't you. And he wasn't being nice about it. He really didn't think it was you. So if Chris doesn't think it's you, then other people will eventually believe us. I mean, there are those tapes out there with that guy who looks like Justin. It figures there would be some with someone who looks like you. They'll believe it, Josh. They will. We'll go out there tomorrow and you'll be pissed and it'll all go away. Give it a week and everyone will forget about it. You'll see. It'll all be over." Joey poured every bit of confidence he had into the words. And he really did believe it. There was already speculation in the mainstream press that either it was a photo manipulation or that it was a look alike. After all, if it was really JC this would have come out when they released No Strings Attached, if not before. There was no reason for anyone to sit on something this explosive. "Just a few more weeks and it'll all be over. Hell, we'll go on Barbara Walters and let her ask about how horrible it was for you. And Justin can get all thug and threaten to beat down those liars. It'll be good. You'll see. And no one will ever know. It'll go away, JC. It will."
"No. It won't." And burning eyes were boring into him again and Joey took an involuntary step back. "It'll never be over."
"What, JC, you're overreacting. I, no, I don't know what it's like, but it's just a flash in the pan, okay? It'll end. We just have to. . ."
"There's another tape."
Joey rocked back, reeling like he had been hit.
"What? What do you mean, JC? JC, what do you mean there's another, another tape, what from the two days of shooting, what, how can there be?" His voice trailed off as he took in the twitch at the corner of JC's jaw. "JC. Tell me."
"About two months after the first one, Danny took me to a party. I was so excited. Danny, Danny never really took me to any parties, he was 22 and I was barely 18. I think I cramped his style. You know me, not the smoothest person in the room." JC stared at a spot on the wall behind Joey's head and Joey stayed still. He could tell the only way that JC was going to get this out was if he wasn't interrupted.
"We got to the party and it, well, it was all guys. And that was fine, you know, it was nice to be able to kiss him whenever I wanted. And someone handed me a drink. And then someone else handed me another." JC's voice was cold and impersonal, he sounded almost bored. "Somewhere in the party I lost sight of Danny. And then, I started to feel really really lightheaded. I knew it couldn't be the alcohol, I only had two drinks. I managed to find Danny and told him I wanted to go home. He just tossed his head back and laughed and said, 'No, baby, I've got a much better idea. Come with me.' By this point my head was spinning and I didn't really know where I was. He took my hand and led me down the hall. I didn't even notice that other people were coming with us."
Joey concentrated on breathing. On taking air in and pushing air out. He had to concentrate on something. Because if he didn't, if he didn't, well, something was going to break.
"He dragged me back to one of the bedrooms, hell, he was practically carrying me by that point. And when he shoved me on the bed I didn't even really notice that there were lights and a camera. And four other people."
Joey nearly bit through the side of his cheek trying to restrain the scream. He thighs ached from how hard he was clenching his hands against them and his eyes were burning from the tears that he kept battling back. No. He was not going to break first. He couldn't. He had to stay strong. JC needed him to stay strong. He had to hear this. He concentrated on that. That and not passing out.
JC continued on, implacable, unmovable. "They stripped me. Then they fucked me. They all fucked me. And they filmed it. And that tape is still out there, Joe. And I thought it was over before, he promised it was over, he swore, he did. Lying motherfucker, I should have known, I don't know why I was surprised," JC's voice snapped at that and he dropped his head, tremors beginning to rattle through him.
"What the fuck, JC? Who? Who said it was over, what are you? JC, what are you talking about?" Joey watched as JC bit his lip, shaking his head fiercely. "Wait, you've known this whole time that this is out there? And no one ever did anything? So, someone, someone, JC have you been paying someone, is that it?"
"No, not really, it wasn't, it's complicated, Joey, please, don't, don't ask," JC was visibly shaking now, the wall the only thing holding him upright.
"JC, who is it? The fucker. You tell me who has been blackmailing you, JC. Tell me. I'll kill the fucker. And the rest of them, Jesus, C. Oh fuck, you should have," Joey swallowed as the lump filled his throat. "I'll kill them, I swear it."
"No, no, it's, it was a long time ago. And I wasn't hurt. Not, not that bad. Just, I don't know what to do, Joey." And JC looked up at him, agony clear on his face. "I don't know what to do. He's going, he said, he said if I didn't then he would release it and, Joey, there's no way to lie and say it's not me. There isn't. I mean, I saw part of it and it's so obviously me. And he's going to, he, I wouldn't and he, and then it'll be the end and," JC started to gasp and Joey quickly moved forward, helping ease JC down the wall.
"Head between your knees, c'mon C, calm down, breathe, you're going to hyperventilate, calm down, breathe for me, Josh, that's it." Joey rubbed calming circles on JC's back, feeling the desperate pants for air.
They stayed there for several minutes, just sitting quietly until JC's breathing evened out. Joey slowly pulled JC into the nook of his arm, leaning them both against the wall.
“JC, who has the tape? We can fix this, but I have to know who has the tape." Joey felt JC go rigid next to him and he pulled him in a little closer.
“Lou. I, I told Lou, like right away. And he told me that he would take care of it. And he did, he bought the guys off. And, and, well, he took care of it. And he promised it would never come out. He had as much to lose as we did. But now, now, well, now he doesn't."
"That motherfucker." Joey's voice shook with rage. "That motherfucker. Why the fuck now, what does he have to gain?"
"We sent him the last check from the settlement two weeks ago, Joey. And the new deal with Jive starts on Monday. He's not getting any money from us anymore. Of course he wants to destroy us. He doesn't have anything to lose." JC let out a long sigh. "He, he called me last week, the day after. He told me, he told me if I didn't, if I wouldn't," he pushed himself up the wall, swaying slightly as he stood. Joey watched as he wandered to stand over by the couch. "He said that he would release the other tape if I didn't do what he wanted. He gave me until today. And I, I told him no. I told him I wouldn't, that I wouldn't do what he wanted. I can't." JC's voice died down again. "I can't. He's given me until today to change my mind. If I don’t, then he releases the tape. I have to do it, Joey. I have to, I can't," JC started to violently shake his head. "I can't let him destroy you too, I won't. I won't. I'll do it, I'll give him what he wants. I have to. I don't have a choice."
"The fuck you will." Joey's voice boomed through the room, cutting through the quiet air. "The fuck you will. What does he want? Money? Fuck that, he got enough of our money already." Joey pulled out his phone, flipping the lid open. "That's it. We're calling the cops. He's trying to blackmail you, JC. The fucker’s going to jail. If I don't kill him first."
"NO!" JC screamed as he turned back to Joey. "Put that fucking phone down, Joe. I'm not going to the cops. I'm not. I'm not telling anyone, I'll just, I'll give him what he wants, ok? It won't be that bad. It won't. Really. And you, you'll all be okay, and that's, that's what's important. I'll just, it, I can do this, okay, Joey. I can. Put the phone down. Please."
Joey slowly closed the phone, willing to do just about anything right then to get that stricken look off JC's face.
"Ok, here," Joey leaned down and put the phone on the floor. "Ok, we can, we'll deal with this. What does that rat bastard want? Money. Hell, I've got money, we've all got money. How much does he want?" Joey watched confused as JC bit his lip and shook his head. "What, JC, what is it?"
"He doesn't want more money."
"What, what the fuck does he want?" Joey felt his blood run cold as JC continued to look at the floor. "What the fuck does he want?" And then he was across the room, shaking JC without realizing it, grasping those thin shoulders tightly in his hands.
"What the fuck does he want?"
"It's, Joey, it's not like I haven't done it before."
Joey felt his world stop. "What, no, JC, what?" He shook his head, clearing away the film of rage. JC was pale and wincing under his hands and Joey realized with a start that he was hurting him. Hurting him fairly badly. He stumbled back with a gasp, wiping a hand across his mouth. "JC, sorry, oh shit, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I"
"No, no, I know you're mad, it's, it's just," JC sank down on the couch. "I don't really have a choice. I did it before. I can do it again."
“What does he want, C?” Joey knelt on the floor in front of JC and leaned forward, trying to catch JC’s eye. “Josh, what does he want?”
JC turned his head and refused to look at him. Joey reached up and gently turned JC’s head until he had no choice but to meet his gaze. “Please, what does he want?”
“Me.”
The air left Joey’s chest in a huge rush. He couldn’t speak, could only stare back at JC as JC bit his lip and tried to pull away. He opened him mouth to speak, but no words would come. His head was spinning and he wanted to make sure he said the right thing.
“Joey, Joey, are, what, say something here, Joey, please?” JC’s voice broke through his shock and he moved back. He sat down next to JC, wincing as JC scooted away.
“I, I, you said, you said that, that you’ve done it before, what, please,” Joey’s eyes fell shut. “Please tell me he didn’t, that you didn’t, he didn’t make you,”
“It, it wasn’t that bad. And
it’s not like it was all the time. And,” JC
curled up further into the corner of the couch, looking down and
picking at the seams of the leather. “And, it, he left
the rest of you alone.”
“Jesus. How, how long?” Joey forced himself to stay still, trying to respect JC’s need for distance. He threaded his fingers together, gripping tightly to keep from reaching out. He wanted to touch, needed to touch, needed to reassure himself that JC was there, was safe beside him, that no one was hurting him. Bile rose in his throat at the images crossing his mind. How could he have not known? How? Why didn’t JC tell him?
“Until we left. When we left I was sure that he was going to, he was going to do something, but he didn’t. He told me,” JC’s voice broke and Joey looked up to find JC staring into space, his arms wrapped tightly around his body. “He said that the money was better than my ass any day. And that there was no way that he would do anything to stop the gravy train.”
“Oh fuck, JC.” Joey reached out then and pulled JC close, running his hands through JC’s hair, trying to calm them both.
“I don’t, I don’t know what
to do, Joey.” JC murmured into Joey’s
chest. “He’s coming here at 10 this morning and
he’s going to want, to, shit, and if I don’t, then,
then.”
“Josh, shut up for a minute. Let
me think.” Joey continued to rock them, humming
slightly as he thought. “I’ll take care of
this.”
“What? Joe, what are you going to do? You can’t, you can’t go after him. You know you can’t.” JC pushed away, grabbing hold of Joey’s shoulders. “You can’t.”
“The hell I can’t. I’ve wanted an excuse to beat the fuck out of him for years. Can’t think of any reason better than this.” Joey stood, breaking free of JC’s hold.
“Joey, no. You can’t. I mean it, Joey.” JC watched as Joey paced in front of the couch.
“Sure, I can. Oh, and it’s going to feel so great.” Joey’s hands clenched in anticipation.
“No. Joey. Listen to me. I appreciate that you want to do it, really, but think. You lay a hand on him and he’ll press charges. And then it’ll be in the press. And then we’re back where we started.” JC stood, moving to block Joey’s path. “It means a lot that you want to do that, Joey. But you can’t.”
“Fuck. I hate to admit it, but you’re right. Damn it. There, there has to be something else, some other way.” Joey sighed and smiled wryly at JC. “I hate it when you’re the voice of reason.”
“Yeah, well, like I’m so comfortable being the sane one.” JC yawned widely, his jaw cracking audibly.
“C, when’s the last time you slept?” Joey looked at him closely, noting just how frail JC appeared.
“I don’t really know, I’ve been trying to catch some sleep here and there, but, well, my mind starts racing and I can’t seem to settle down.” JC yawned again, this time swaying slightly.
“You need to rest, c’mon, off to bed with you,” Joey grabbed JC’s arm and pulled him along behind him, heading from the bedroom.
“Joey, no, we still have to figure out what to do. He’s going to be here in a few hours and,” another yawn cut of JC’s feeble protest.
“You sleep. I’ll think of something.” Joey pushed JC down onto his bed, watching as he lay back, eyes immediately falling shut.
“Don’t, please promise you won’t tell the others.” The words were muffled as JC slowly crawled under the sheets.
“I won’t. Not if you don’t want me to.” Joey smoothed the comforter over the thin body, settling down on the bed next to him. His hand buried itself in JC’s hair again, petting and soothing and trying to lull JC to sleep.
“Joey, can you stay here, just for a little bit, I, it’ll help,” JC’s voice trailed off as his breath slowly evened out, exhaustion overwhelming him. For the first time in days he finally felt some peace. It hurt to tell Joey that, but at the same time he felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted. Joey knew. And Joey was still there, petting him and making him feel safe. Joey would help. Joey would protect him. Joey always did.
“I’ll stay as long as you let me, C.” The words were whispered into JC’s ear and he stirred a little, then settled back to sleep.
Joey yawned, his head dropping back and hitting the back of the chair.
“Damn,” he straightened up, rubbing the back of his head. “That hurt.” He looked over to the bed, glad to see that JC was still asleep. JC hadn’t moved from the position he was in when he drifted off, something Joey was glad to see. The light of the rising sun trickled into the room, dark red rays spilling onto the bed. Joey sucked in a breath as the light crept across JC’s face and the one arm that had come uncovered in the night. Those perfect cheekbones, more prominent then ever, the line of his nose, the curve of his lips. All were picked out in the soft morning glow. He watched the slow rise and fall of the blankets as JC breathed. So beautiful. Sometimes that was all he could think when he saw him. So very very beautiful.
Joey rubbed a hand across his face, trying to wake up. He spent the night sitting in a chair he pulled to the side of the bed, needing to be there in case JC woke, in case he needed anything at all. He spent the night watching and thinking. Somehow he managed to put aside all thoughts of what JC told him. They would deal with that later. Later, after the immediate crisis was past. Later, when Joey was able to think about it without wanting to hit something so hard his fists bled. Later, when JC didn’t look like he was going to snap at any moment. Later, when he could find some words that weren’t completely inadequate. There would be time later.
Now, now they needed to stop this. And he finally knew exactly how to do that. JC stirred a little and Joey reached out, tugging lightly on JC’s wrist.
“C, wake up, man, time to get up now,” he urged quietly, glancing at the clock. Just before 9. They should have enough time to get what he needed and get cleaned up.
“Joey,” JC sounded confused as his eyes blinked open. “What time is it?”
“Just before 9. I need you to get up, we have a lot to get done.” Joey twisted as he stood, working out the kinks in his back. “I’m going to grab a shower over in the other bathroom. Do you still have any of my stuff here? I think I left some sweats or something.”
“Yeah, in the guest room, the dresser, I think there’s some shirts too.” JC sat up, still a little fuzzy from sleep. He was still so tired, but, he had to admit, he felt better than he had in days.
“Great, why don’t you clean up too and then meet me in the kitchen. We’ve got a lot to do.” Joey turned as he reached the door. “Oh, where’s your video camera?”
“In the office, I think. Joey, what’s going on?” JC swung his legs over the side of the bed, his face creasing in puzzlement.
“Patience, grasshopper. All shall be revealed shortly.” JC stared as Joey headed down the hall, the words tossed back over his shoulder.
“Remember, you have to keep him on this side of the island.” JC nodded as Joey paced around the kitchen. “And speak loud. And clearly. Pretend that you’re on stage or something.” JC nodded again, rubbing his hands on his jeans. He couldn’t believe how nervous he was.
“Joey, are you, are you sure this is going to work? What if, what if something happens or, or,” he stopped as Joey turned around.
“It’ll work, C. Don’t
worry. It’ll work. But be careful.
Don’t let him touch you. Because I can’t
guarantee what I’ll do if he does.” They both
looked at the clock on the microwave. 9:55. Five more
minutes.
“How is he going to get up the sidewalk, those vultures are back again.” The press throng wasn’t as bad as the day before, but they were still out there, waiting for any movement from the house.
“I don’t know, he didn’t say, and the last time he came it was like 1 in the morning.” JC bounced slightly on his toes, trying to calm his nerves. Joey had tried to get him to eat something, but he had been too nervous. His stomach still was in knots, and he was having difficulty keeping his hands from shaking.
“C, calm down. It’s going to be fine. And you know, it actually might work out better if someone got a picture of him coming here.” Joey ran his hands up and down JC’s arms. “Calm down. It’s going to work out.”
“I know, it’s a good plan, Joey. I, I don’t want to screw it up, what if I do or say something, or, or” he stopped as Joey pressed a finger to his lips.
“You’ll do great.” JC nodded and Joey smiled down at him.
The ringing of the doorbell startled them
and JC looked at Joey wild eyed.
“Showtime. Go let him in and don’t worry.
It’ll be good.” Joey slipped out of the kitchen
as JC headed for the door. JC glanced through the peephole,
seeing Lou’s shiny face. He opened the door and
ushered him quickly inside.
“Well, well, well, you’re looking lovely, JC. Stress seems to agree with you.” They headed for kitchen, Lou following right on JC’s heels.
“Cut the shit, Lou.” JC leaned against the island, watching as Lou took his place on the other side. He concentrated on staring at Lou, resisting the urge to turn his head. “We both know why you’re here.”
“Yes, yes we do.” Lou licked his lips slowly, eyes trailing over JC’s body. “I hope you’ve given this matter more thought.”
“You could say that. What exactly do you expect from me, Lou?” He tapped his fingers on the counter, trying to keep from screaming. He had to be calm, he had to stay focused.
“You know exactly what I want,” Lou took a step towards him and JC flinched back.
“Lou, look, I have to know exactly what you want from me. And exactly what I’ll get in return. You know that I don’t trust you.” JC pressed his hands flat on the counter, remembering Joey’s instructions. Get Lou to talk. He had to get Lou to talk.
“It’s simple, Joshua. You and I resume our, shall we say, special relationship and in return I don’t let anyone know about that other tape. You know, the one where you’re getting fucked six ways to Sunday. You think this is bad, just wait until that one hits. You won’t be able to lie your way out of that. All those wonderful shots of your face. You give me what I want and I’ll make sure it never sees the light of day. You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours. It’s as simple as that.” Lou reached out and tried to take JC’s hand. “You’ll see that it’ll be best for everyone that way.”
“And if I say no.” He jerked his hand back.
“Then streaming video will be up by the end of the day. JC, there’s no need to make this any harder on yourself. You and I both know what your decision is going to be.” Again a meaty hand reached out and JC took a step back, fervently hoping Joey stayed away.
“Lou, I have thought about it.
And you know what, I, I’m not doing it. I know you
now, there’s no way you’re going to keep your
word. You’ll just fuck me and then release it any
way. So, no. I’m not going to do it.”
JC looked up, letting all the anger he was feeling show on his
face. “Go to hell, Lou. And get out of my
house.”
Fury flashed across Lou’s face. “Wrong choice,
Joshua. Very bad decision. This will destroy you, you
know. There’s no way parents are going to let their
daughters listen to some guy who was in a gay porn film.
And you might not trust me, but you should trust that ass of
yours. Because as long as you were letting me have a piece
of it, everything would be fine. If I were you, I
would start calling the rest of them. Because all
hell’s about to break loose.” He spun on his heel
and started out of the kitchen.
He hadn’t taken more than four steps before he felt strong hands grab his shoulders and slam him into the refrigerator.
“Listen to me you motherfucker, you aren’t going anywhere just yet.” Joey tightened his grip as he spun Lou around.
“Fatone, what the hell do you think you’re doing? What are you doing here?” Lou sputtered out, eyes widening as Joey pressed his forearm against his throat.
“Giving you a taste of your own medicine. JC, grab the camera.” Joey held him firmly in place as JC darted out of the room. “Stop squirming. Cause I’m not letting up.”
JC quickly returned, holding a video camera in his hand. “All set. And it came out perfectly.”
Joey nodded, then backed away, enough to let Lou move but still close enough to grab him.
“So you have a thing for collecting incriminating tapes, do you Pearlman? Then you’ll understand the value of this.” Joey took the camera, watching Lou closely. JC already had the tape rewound and Joey flipped the screen so that Lou could watch. He hit play and the tape started up. Lou paled as he heard his voice through the tinny speaker.
”I wonder what would happen if this got out? I believe
the proper term for it is blackmail. Sexual blackmail at
that. That wouldn’t be good for business now would
it?” Joey watched Lou’s face, savoring the
way Lou’s arrogance was fading fast.
“What, what are you up to, Fatone?” Lou brushed sweat from his forehead. He was stunned, he never expected anything like this. This was not going anything like he planned.
“It’s called mutually assured destruction. You release your tape, we release ours. And if that’s not enough, then Justin will come forward to confess the things you used to make him do. It’s a very simple arrangement. You keep your mouth shut. So do we.” Joey continued to stare Lou down, moving to maintain eye contact.
“I never laid a hand on Justin!” Lou hollered, stepping forward. “You fucker, how can you,”
“Oh, don’t even try to take the high road on this. You just tried to blackmail JC into being your whore. Don’t even try to get all holier than thou. And Lou, who do you think the world would believe, you or Justin? You know most people already think you’re in this for the little boys. After they see that tape, there’s no chance anyone would believe you if you deny it. Don’t even think about testing me on this. The moment I hear or see that you’ve mentioned anything, anything at all about JC, this goes public. And be glad that’s all I’m going to do to you. Now, do we have a deal?” Joey watched Lou’s eyes dart around, he could tell Lou was trying to find some way, any way to turn this to his advantage.
“You are one clever bastard, Fatone. I have to give you that. We have a deal. But the same goes for you. I hear anyone else, including the rest of them have heard one word of this, then I release.”
“Deal. Now get the fuck out
before we throw you out. And Lou, if you ever, ever touch
JC again, I mean ever,” Joey stepped forward, crowding Lou
back against the refrigerator. “There is no force on
earth that will stop me for coming after you. Get
out.”
They followed Lou down the hall, tension thrumming between the
three of them. They watched as Lou pulled the hat back down
low on his head.
“Remember, Lou. If it gets out ever, for any reason, your ass is mine.” Joey jerked the door open and shoved him outside.
“It worked.” JC turned to Joey, eyes wide. “I can’t believe it worked! Joey, that was, you’re brilliant, I can’t believe it worked!” JC was practically bouncing now, a smile stretched across his face.
“Way to have faith there, JC,”
Joey laughed as JC launched himself into Joey’s arms.
“No, I didn’t mean like that, I just, it’s Lou,
and I’ve been afraid of him for so long and and you fixed
things, you came in and fixed things, and Joey, I can never repay
you,” JC babbled away as Joey hugged him tight.
“There’s nothing to repay. You would have done the same for me. Now, let’s go call Johnny and start dealing with the rest of it. It’s going to be over soon. It will.”
They headed for JC’s living room, Joey’s arm still slung around JC’s shoulders.
“Well, that really, that really,” Lance paused as he fell onto the couch, searching for the right thing to say.
“I believe the word you’re looking for is sucked, Lance.” Chris flopped down next to him, flinging an arm across his face.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Justin replied, falling across both their laps. “Really, it could have gone a helluva lot worse.”
“Guys. Shut up.” Joey
hissed as he watched JC slowly walk into the room. The
press conference had been over for about ten minutes, but JC and
Johnny had been holed up in one of the conference rooms ever
since.
“Guys, great job today. Really, you handled the questions very well, stayed calm and gave the right answers. I’ve been talking with JC and he wants to start rehearsals next week just like we already planned. I think that’s the best thing to do, the more we ignore this, the more we act like everything is normal, the faster it will go away. I was going to have you go to a fundraiser for Howie Dorough’s foundation tonight, but I cancelled, since I’m sure that you’ll all want to grab some rest. Here’s the schedule for the rest of the week.” Johnny handed out copies of their schedule as JC leaned against the wall, eyes closed.
“Hey, I would be happy to go tonight,
it’s for Howie, man, and, like you said, it’ll show the
man that he can’t keep us down. Who’s with
me?” Lance and Justin nodded as Chris looked over at
them. “Joe?”
“I think I’ll stay in. JC, do you want me to give you a lift back home?” Joey watched JC closely, trying to determine how he actually was doing. The press had been brutal, the questions vicious, but JC handled it like the pro that he was. For once he had been coherent and attentive, firm in his denial that the tape showed him and displaying the perfect amount of horror and fury that someone would do this. It had taken all of Joey’s self-control not to reach out and take hold of JC’s hands when he saw that they were trembling slightly. He was very grateful that he was seated at the end of the table at that moment. JC had been flanked by Justin and Chris, both of whom had stepped forward in indignation as the questions and accusations kept coming. And when they were asked about why JC wasn’t suing, Lance had leapt in and gone off on a marvelous rant about how filing a lawsuit would only drag the matter out and allow the charges to be repeated over and over and how it would give credence to the claims and free publicity to “those lousy rags”. And Joey himself had been given the chance to publicly state what he would do if he knew who had made the allegations. “Five minutes in a locked room. That’s all I would need. Five minutes and a locked room.” He stared straight into the cameras when he said it, knowing that Lou was watching.
“JC, how are you doing?” Lance moved over to stand by JC and the rest quickly gathered round as well.
“Ok, tired, glad that’s over with. I’m sorry, guys, I know that I wasn’t really all there,”
“C, you did great. You really did. We’re all so proud of you.” Justin pulled him into a hug, holding him tight. “I don’t know how you’ve handled this so well, but, we’re so proud of you. I wanted to punch some of those assholes square in their big mouths. But you, you were Mr. Calm. You did great.”
Chris, Lance and Johnny echoed those sentiments as Joey stood back, letting the rest have their moment. JC simply stood there, nodding slightly as they spoke. He finally looked up, meeting Joey’s eyes over Justin’s shoulder.
“You did great, Josh. You
did.” Joey said quietly.
“Yeah, can I just, I just want to go home.” JC replied, pulling away and rubbing at his eyes. “I’m tired.”
“Of course,” Johnny replied, picking up the phone. “I’ll let security know you’re leaving. Christ, Justin, Lance, hold up and I’ll let Howie’s guys know that you’re coming. Joey, you’re taking JC with you, right?” Joey nodded as Johnny spoke rapidly into the phone.
“Ok. There’s nothing on the slate for tomorrow. Then Sunday we have a meeting at 2:00 to go over the final details of the tour schedule. I’ll see you then. In the meantime, if anyone asks anything, just repeat the same answers you gave today. And Chris, Joey,” Johnny glared at them both. “Cut it with flipping off the paparazzi. They just sell the pictures and they blur out the finger.” He held up a hand as Chris opened his mouth. “And no, you cannot paint fuck you on your forehead, Chris. As much as I would love to see that, I don’t think that will work either. Security’s cleared the garage, so Joey, JC, get going.”
“Joey,” Chris tugged on his arm as Joey grabbed his phone and keys from where he had thrown them on the table, “are you taking JC back to your place?”
“Yeah,” he replied, glancing over to see Lance and Justin giving JC one last hug goodbye. “I don’t think he should be alone right now.”
“That’s what I thought, I’ll give you a call later, ok? Take care of him, Joe.” Joey nodded as Chris clasped his shoulder. “He’ll be fine, just give him some time.”
Joey let out a sigh, glad that the day was finally winding down. “JC, let’s roll.” He held the door open and let JC through first. They made their way down the hall, walking slowly, weariness evident in JC’s every move. They hopped into Joey’s car and JC let his head fall back, eyes drifting shut as they left the building.
“Tell me the truth, Joey. How bad was it?” JC felt his entire body begin to relax as the sun hit his face. So much had happened so quickly that he was still in a daze. For years he lived with the constant nagging worry that someone, somewhere, someday would find out. And now it was over. Sure, he thought, sure there would still be questions for a while, but it would eventually die down. Britney and Justin would be caught having sex in public or Kevin or Brian would get divorced. Or Christina would get something else pierced and they would forget about him. He didn’t trust Lou, he would never trust Lou again. But Lou was first and foremost a pragmatist. And Lou knew Joey. If Joey said he would do something, he would. And if Joey said he would destroy Lou if Lou tried to hurt him, then Joey would do it. Lou knew better than to test Joey’s resolve. Over. It was finally over. He sighed, trying to make himself believe that.
“You did great. Seriously, C. You were great.” Joey glanced over quickly, seeing how drawn JC still looked. “I figured maybe you could spend the rest of the day over at my place.”
“I don’t know, Joey.” JC fiddled with his seatbelt, slowly raising his head and blinking as he opened his eyes. “I’m really tired. I just want to get some sleep.”
“That’s cool. It’s only, well, Kelly called earlier and she wanted to know if I could watch Brianna for a bit, she has some shopping to do and I haven’t seen my baby all week. I would love to have a hand. You know what a hell child she’s turned into lately.” Joey kept his eyes on the road, purposefully not looking over to check JC’s reaction.
“She’s not a hell child. Joey, how can you say that, she’s so well behaved!” JC turned to Joey, cheeks flushing a little. “She’s a wonderful little girl.”
“Yeah, maybe for you. You know she worships the ground you walk on, Uncle JC this and Uncle JC that. Of course she’s perfect around you. It’s when it’s only me that the horns come out and she becomes Damien.” Joey yelped as JC hit him. “Hey, driving here.”
“She is sweet girl and you know it. You and Kelly are doing a wonderful job with her. Fine, I’ll come over and help with Brianna. Now, shut up and let me catch a nap.” JC nestled back into his seat and closed his eyes again. He really was exhausted. But there was no way he was giving up a chance to be with Brianna. They got to see her so little and she was growing up so fast.
Joey grinned to himself as he heard JC’s breathing even out. There were certain things about JC that were as sure as the sun rising in the east. He could sleep anywhere, any time. And he would never ever turn away an opportunity to see Brianna.
“Joey, hey, we’re here.” Kelly called out as she opened the door from the garage.
“Hey, Kel, hey sweetie,” Joey replied as he came down the hall.
“Daddy,” Brianna came running, throwing her arms around Joey’s legs. “Daddy, I missed you.”
“Me too, baby.” Joey ran a hand through her hair, smiling down at her. “Have you been a good girl for Mommy?”
“Of course,” she huffed up at him as Kelly rolled her eyes behind her.
“Hey, beautiful,” JC called as he
knelt down, arms open wide.
Brianna abruptly released her clench on Joey and hurled herself at JC.
“Uncle JC, Uncle JC, I missed you too,
where have you been, did you know that I’m starting school
next month, will you take me shopping, are you going away with
Daddy again,” the questions babbled on non stop as JC stood,
Brianna’s arms wrapped tightly around his neck.
“You’re starting school, you must be excited, of course we’ll go shopping, you’ll have to look all pretty for class won’t you,” the words trailed off as JC headed towards the back yard.
“Hey, Jace,” Kelly called, shaking her head and smiling at the two of them.
“Oh, hi, Kelly.” JC distractedly called over his shoulder. “We’re heading outside.”
“Sure, fine, whatever,” Kelly replied to JC’s back. “Not that you’re listening to me.”
Joey just laughed. When Brianna was around the world could end and JC wouldn’t notice. Not that he paid that much attention to anything going on outside of his head most of the time anyway. But when he was with Brianna, the world narrowed down to her.
“God, they are too cute together, it should be illegal. Hey, Joe.” Kelly dropped her purse on the floor and gave Joey a quick squeeze.
“Hey yourself, thanks for bringing her over on such short notice. I figured that JC could use the distraction.” Joey squeezed back then let go, opening the refrigerator and tossing Kelly a bottle of water.
“You sneaky bastard. How’s he doing? Seriously, Joey, they had the press conference on MTV and he looked awful. He’s so thin, I know he hasn’t been eating. And has he been sleeping at all?” Kelly cracked open the water, sitting down at the kitchen table.
“Not really. He finally let me go over there last night and he collapsed around 3. I don’t think he’s been sleeping other than that. And he admitted he hasn’t been eating. Can you blame him? He’s been through hell the last week, Kel. I can’t get into it, but, trust me, it’s been awful.” Joey spun a chair around and joined Kelly at the table.
“I can’t even imagine. But
he handled the questions so well, I don’t know that
I’ve ever seen him that focused. Things should be
getting better soon.” She took another drink and
looked at Joey. “And I’m sure that you’ll do
your best to take care of him.”
“Well, I’m going to do the best I can. You know how stubborn he can be. I’m going to try to get him to stay here for a few days, make sure he sleeps, get him to eat. We start rehearsals again on Monday and he can’t afford to lose any more weight.” Joey sighed heavily, spinning his bottle between his palms. “There’s a lot of stuff going on, and, well, I’m worried about him. I can’t tell you, but, it’s bad. Really bad. He’s been dealing with it all alone for a long time and I want him to know he doesn’t have to do that anymore. That I’m there for him, you know.” They were quiet for a few minutes, Brianna’s laughter floating in from the backyard.
“You should tell him,” Kelly finally said, breaking the silence.
“Kelly, don’t start this again,” Joey replied, standing up and moving to lean against the wall.
“You should. Joey, seriously. It’s been, what, three years. As amusing as watching this unrequited thing is for the rest of us, it is getting a little pathetic. Grow a spine. Tell him. I don’t want to have to explain to our daughter that her daddy’s a big coward.” Kelly smiled widely. “After all, you already know he’ll make a good mother.”
Kelly ducked as Joey threw a dishtowel at her. “Such a bitch. And Kelly, I can’t tell him now. The last thing he needs is some type of huge declaration from me. I mean, I don’t think he’s even realized that I go for guys. Now is not the time for me to say anything.”
“If you say so. I still say
you’re being a wimp.” Kelly checked her watch and
stood. “I better get going. You need anything
while I’m out?”
“Yeah, can you pick up some stuff at the grocery store?” Joey grabbed the list from off the refrigerator and handed it over.
“Sure, no problem. Let’s see, oregano, basil, mozzarella, tomatoes,” she arched an eyebrow at him. “Joey, you’re making lasagna aren’t you? What, you’re trying to woo him with food?”
“No, no, he’s just so thin and he loves the lasagna and he needs to eat,” Joey saw Kelly’s lips start to twitch. “Shut up.”
“Did I say anything? Should I stop and pick up a couple of bottles of wine to go with it? And do you have bread, I’ll get some bread,” she grabbed her purse from beside the door and slung it over her shoulder.
Joey brightened. “Oh, yeah, he’ll like that. Here, let me give you some money.” He looked around, trying to remember where he put his wallet.
“Joey, honey,” Kelly placed a hand on his arm, grinning up at him. “I have a copy of your card.”
“Oh, right, right, I didn’t think about that.” Joey shook his head, amused.
“It’s fine, you’ve been distracted.” They headed towards the back yard so that Kelly could say goodbye. “Have her ready by 6, Joe. I’m not kidding. We need to be back at my place by 6:30. So, 6, not 6:10, not 6:15, 6.”
“We will.” He caught Kelly’s skeptical look. “I’ll tell JC she has to be ready by 5, that should do it.”
“That should work.” Kelly
leaned up and pecked his cheek. "It'll be fine, Joey. Things
will be better soon."
Joey sighed as they watched JC chase Brianna
around the yard, both of them flushed and laughing. "I
know, it's just hard to watch."
“I know, but,” Their heads turned
as they head Brianna’s emphatic yell.
"No, no, Uncle JC, YOU'RE the
princess."
They collapsed against the wall just out of
sight, Kelly clamping a hand over her mouth to suppress the
giggles, Joey laughing just as hard.
"Observant little girl we have
there," Joey finally noted wryly.
Kelly nodded, still giggling.
"I'll be back soon. Have fun playing with the
princesses."
Joey gave her a friendly swat on the ass as she went out to kiss Brianna goodbye.
“Joey, no more, really, I can’t eat another bite.” JC pushed back from the table with a groan, trying to wave Joey away from putting more pasta on his plate.
“C’mon, JC, you have to have some more,” Joey stood next to him, ladle poised over his plate. “It’s my grandmother’s recipe. Just a little more.”
“No, Joey.” JC placed his hands protectively over his plate. “No more. I’m stuffed. I had three helpings already. I think I’ve done your grandmother proud.”
“Just a little more,” Joey pouted, batting his eyes at JC.
“Don’t even try it, Joseph. If I’m immune to Justin’s pout what makes you think I’ll fall for yours. I’m full. I’m beyond full. I’ve eaten more in the last two weeks than I have in months. You’re going to make me fat.” JC threw his napkin on the table and stood, grabbing their plates and heading for the sink.
“Not much chance of that, C.” Joey cast an appraising eye over JC as he rinsed the dishes. He was looking good. Not just in a sexual way, though that too, Joey mused. JC was starting to look healthy, his color was coming back and he had miraculously managed to put on weight even though they were in rehearsals 12 hours a day. Joey patted himself on the back. The constant feeding seemed to be working. He had managed to get JC to all but move into the guest room, which made it much more convenient for checking to make sure that JC was eating and sleeping right. And JC had agreed with surprisingly little fuss.
They worked comfortably side by side, JC rinsing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, Joey putting away the leftovers. He grabbed them both a beer and followed JC into the living room.
“So, what do you want to do, watch a movie, watch tv, make prank calls to Justin?” Joey asked as he rummaged through his movies.
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something,” JC replied quietly. Joey looked up quickly, worry clouding his features.
“It’s nothing bad,” JC quickly reassured him, “Really, I’m fine. It’s nothing serious.”
“You sure, because if it is you can tell me, you know that right, there’s nothing you can’t tell me.” Joey moved to sit on the coffee table facing JC, his forehead still furrowed.
“I know that. And, this, this is kinda what I wanted to talk about,” JC fidgeted a little, dropping his gaze down to his hands. “You’ve been so great, Joey, really, you have and I don’t, I don’t want to sound ungrateful, I, you’ve done so much, taken such good care of me, and, please don’t think I don’t appreciate it, but,”
Joey cut JC off mid ramble. “But what, C? What’s wrong? Don’t worry, I’m not going to be offended. I don’t think. Not unless you’re going to tell me I smell or something and you drew the short straw and have to break the bad news.” He nudged JC’s calf with his foot, pleased at the small smile he received in response.
“You think Chris could hold back on telling you something like that?” JC grinned at Joey for a second, then went back to staring at his hands. “No, um, just, hear me out, okay?”
Joey nodded, raising a hand to his lips. “I’ll shut up then.” He mimed turning a key and JC smiled at him again.
“You can tell you’re a dad.
Ok, here it is.” JC took a deep breath and then stood,
needing to pace. “I do appreciate all you’ve
done, I do. It’s, it’s been really nice how
you’ve been watching over me in rehearsal and when we go
outside and yelling at the press and all that and having me stay
here and feeding me constantly and all the rest of it,” he
paused and turned to look at Joey, a warm hand resting on
Joey’s shoulder. “I mean it, Joey. No
one’s ever taken such good care of me. And it means a
lot.”
Joey nodded, wondering where JC was going with this.
“It’s just that, well, I can take care of myself, Joey. Not that I don’t appreciate everything you’ve done. Because I do. I do. But you’ve been hovering. Even Justin noticed. And well, I can take care of myself. Not that I mind that you want to, that’s cool, it is, but I need, I need to know that I can still, that I can,”
“C,” Joey reached up and grabbed a flailing arm. “I get it. You want me to back off. Let you run your own life for a bit. Prove that you won’t starve to death left to your own devices. Do your own laundry. Make your own bed.” Joey grinned as JC rolled his eyes at the last few items.
“Something like that. I mean it, Joey. You have to stop hovering. It’s noticeable. And it makes me feel, well, like I’m breakable or something. And I hate that.” JC came to rest on the table next to Joey. “I know most people think I can’t deal with reality. I don’t want you to think that too.”
“I don’t,” Joey protested. I just don’t want you to have to, his mind added. “I don’t, Josh. I’ll stop it. I promise.”
“Good.” JC bumped Joey’s shoulder with his own. “That doesn’t mean you have to stop cooking though.”
“Oh, I get it, you only want me for my pasta,” Joey deadpanned. JC threw his head back and started to laugh.
“You just now figured that out, Fatone. You really aren’t that bright.” JC jumped up as Joey lunged at him.
“That’s it, you’re going down, Chasez.” Joey crowed as JC took off down the hall. “I’m going to get you and your little dog too.” He ran after JC, heart soaring as the sound of JC’s laughter filled the house. It hurt a little to hear that JC thought he was hovering. It did. But that was drowned by the sound of that laughter. Things were getting better. Things would be better. It was just a matter of time.
TBC